10 Things Couples Fight About at Christmas and 5 Strategies to Restore the Peace

While most couples, especially new couples, eagerly anticipate sharing Christmas, the reality can quickly deflate their anticipation. While researching their book, "Knowing Me, Knowing You: A Multiple-Choice Quiz For Engaged Couples", authors Carol Brethour Stephens and Malcolm B. Stephens uncovered ten relationship issues that become more intense at Christmas and they offer struggling couples five strategies for restoring the peace.

Barrie, Ontario (PRWEB) December 13, 2004 - While most couples, especially new couples, eagerly anticipate sharing Christmas, the reality can quickly deflate their anticipation. While researching their book, "Knowing Me, Knowing You: A Multiple-Choice Quiz For Engaged Couples", authors Carol Brethour Stephens and Malcolm B. Stephens uncovered relationship issues that become more intense at Christmas and they offer struggling couples five strategies for restoring the peace.

Couples tend to argue about ten things at Christmas.

1. Money. How much to spend?

2. Romantic expectations. This is the diamond necklace versus blender" scenario that is so familiar from various sitcoms.

3. Family. With whom do you (the couple) plan to spend Christmas day? This is no longer limited to my family or yours". The prevalence of divorced and re-married parents can make this even more challenging.

4. Traditions. Traditions and Christmas go hand in hand. There are cultural traditions and family traditions. For some people these traditions extend even to the type of music they favor and to the way in which presents should be opened.

5. Food. This relates to traditions. Turkey or goose? What about old family recipes?

6. Religion. Even if you are from the same faith (i.e. you both are Christian, as opposed to one being Jewish, Muslim, etc.), religion can still cause tension. Do you expect to attend Christmas services? What church or denomination do you want to attend? Do you plan to attend a service with extended family?

7. Busy-ness. Who will do what? Whose parties and commitments are more important? The holiday season is full of scheduling nightmares

8. Decorations. Both outdoors and indoors, how much is enough? Are you in sync about the style (e.g. plastic over organic) and the amount of work required?

9. Doing Christmas right". If one person believes in the Martha Stewart approach to entertaining and the other could care less, you can bet there will be tension.

10. The Ghost of Christmas Past. If one partner has had negative associations with Christmas (such as a death in the family around Christmas), it can cause a shadow on the celebration.

Despite this daunting list, there are skills couples and their families can learn to make the season a happy one. (Couples, pass this article to your families to gain their support.)

1. Communicate. Be clear about your expectations. What is the most important aspect of Christmas for you? Try to pick your top three. Remember, communication also means listening to your partners top three.

2. Compromise. Be willing to look at Christmas from your partners point of view. Remember that he/she probably feels just as strongly as you do.

3. Chill. The more elaborate the Christmas plans, the more difficult it can be to compromise, so consider keeping it simple and going with the flow.

4. Collaborate. Be clear on whom is responsible for what so that there are no nasty surprises. By planning together, you are practicing for future decisions in your life as a couple.

5. Commiserate. Dont exalt in your partners (and your families) disappointments. Be sympathetic, not in your face". It is likely that you both have to give up something you consider near and dear" to your view of Christmas. Concentrate on sharing the new holiday traditions you have created together.

With these tools, Christmas, and indeed a couples entire relationship, will more closely reflect the promise of peace on earth, good will toward men".

About The Authors

Carol Brethour Stephens and her husband, Malcolm Stephens, are co-authors of the book, "Knowing Me, Knowing You: A Multiple-Choice Quiz For Engaged Couples"-a two-book set designed to help new couples share their expectations of marriage in a non-threatening way. Shortly after its release, "Knowing Me, Knowing You" was a top-100 bestseller on Amazon.com.

Contact Information:

Carol Brethour Stephens

Co-Author, "Knowing Me, Knowing You: A Multiple-Choice Quiz For Engaged Couples"

ISBN 0-9746765-0-0 ($19.95 US, $24.95 Canadian) Available at Amazon.com and Selected Bookstores

Counselor Press

65 Cityview Circle

Barrie, Ontario

Canada

L4N 7V1

1-800-340-2480

Fax 1-705-733-1027

http://www.knowingme-knowingyou.com

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