Marriage Counseling Coach Shares Top Ten Mistakes Husbands Make on Valentine's Day

Marriage counseling coach Nancy Wasson offers ten Valentine's Day tips to husbands who want to earn brownie points with their wives. "Ignore these ten mistakes and you may end up in the dog house!" she warns.

BIRMINGHAM, AL (PRWEB) January 30, 2006 -- “Valentine’s Day can seem like a sweet, safe holiday, but it’s really filled with hidden emotional land mines,” says marriage counseling coach Nancy Wasson. “And over the years I’ve heard numerous stories of post-Valentine’s Day fallout that has landed many unsuspecting husbands in the proverbial dog house and created at least a temporary unhappy marriage.”

According to Wasson, men are prone to underestimating the importance of Valentine’s Day to their spouse. Husbands also often tend to procrastinate, which gets them into trouble. Add to that the difference in perspectives about what makes an ideal gift, and the stage is set for anger, hurt feelings, and disappointment.

When asked to give an example of a wife who was angry at her husband’s choice of a Valentine’s Day gift, Wasson replies, “A wife whose husband gave her a sheer revealing black teddy and black fishnet stockings was furious over the selection."

Wasson continues by saying, “She felt that her husband had given her something that was ultimately for his own enjoyment and said that he might as well have not bought her a gift at all. Instead of gaining good will ‘brownie points’ for the present, he actually lost points.”

So what blunders are on marriage counseling coach Wasson’s top ten list of no-no’s for husbands? Here’s her list, compiled from years of experience:

1. Forgetting to plan ahead. It’s important to buy a card before the Valentine’s Day cards are all picked over and the only ones left are the duds nobody wants. If the plans include eating out, it’s essential to make reservations early to get a seat at the restaurant you want and at the time you prefer.

2. Asking an assistant or secretary to buy a wife’s Valentine’s Day gift. The majority of wives treasure knowing that their husband put time, effort, and energy into selecting and buying their gift. And many wives are deeply offended if the husband “takes the easy way out” when it comes to the gift.

3. Grabbing the first Valentine’s card, box of candy, or gift that they see in the store without trying to make a selection based on the spouse’s personality, likes and dislikes, and preferences. Most females put considerable thought into finding just the right card and gift, and they can be hurt if the spouse doesn’t do the same.

4. Buying a gift that’s too impersonal or unimaginative. In most cases, it’s not the time to give a wife a new household appliance. It’s also not the best choice to give exactly the same gift each Valentine’s Day. The gift needs to be something personal and to reflect a genuine desire to please the spouse.

5. Buying sexy lingerie that’s really for the viewing pleasure of the husband and doesn’t take into account that the wife may not be thrilled with the selection. This is an example of an item that masquerades as a gift for the recipient but is in reality a gift to meet the desires of the gift giver. It’s a “non-gift.”

6. Forgetting what a partner likes and doesn’t like. This makes the spouse feel that she’s not important to her husband because he doesn’t remember, know, or notice her preferences. Females notice when a spouse forgets that they don’t like chocolate candy with nuts, for example, and the relationship suffers. What may seem minor to the husband can be major to the wife.

7. Appearing cheap. This is different from not having much money and needing to find a gift that’s affordable. There’s a difference, and it’s usually easy to recognize. If a husband spares no expense on his hobbies and activities but then comes across like a cheapskate in the gift department, the relationship will suffer.

8. Planning something showy, such as a dinner in the fanciest restaurant in town, because it makes the husband look good to others. It’s the motivation that counts. Most wives will know if a flashy diamond pendant is truly a gift from the heart or just to show others what a great guy the husband is.

9. Letting resentment show over “having” to give a gift or do something special for the spouse on Valentine’s Day. A reluctant gift buyer is quickly sniffed out. They often give themselves away by commenting on how commercial Valentine’s Day is and what a rip-off it is.

10. Being ultra-romantic on Valentine’s Day but unromantic the rest of the year. The objective is to be romantic and loving year-round, not just one day a year. Being sweet and romantic on Valentine’s Day is great, but the real test comes on the other 364 days of the year.

Marriage counselor Nancy Wasson, Ph.D., has been a Licensed Professional Counselor for more than twenty years. She coaches couples in unhappy marriages and provides immediate help through the privacy of telephone and email consultations. She is the author of “Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says ‘I Don’t Love You Anymore!’” She offers a free weekly marriage advice newsletter at www.KeepYourMarriage.com.

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