UK Self Esteem Advisory Service gets praise from 'Down Under

Praise from Australian Child and Family coordinator came into the email inbox at the Self Esteem Advisory Service this month.

My name is Debbie I coordinate a Child & Family Program in Queensland,
Australia. Part of my job is to train volunteers to work in-home with
families where there has been a Child Protection concern. I just wanted to
let you know that your newsletters are very clear and informative. They
really address / discuss topics in a very understandable way and provide a
good source of reference for me. I often use some of the information working
with the volunteers (ie FLASH) it is easily understood and simple to
apply. Often, if not always, they are issues surrounding Self Esteem for all
members of the families we work with.
Keep up the great work
Debbie"
Anyone wanting to receive free monthly newsletters from the Self Esteem Advisory Service can join the ezine list at www.selfesteemadvisoryservice.com or download back copies from 'Free Stuff section.                                                                                                                                                        
Editors Notes
The Self Esteem Advisory Service is run by Buckholdt Associates, an educational consultancy directed by psychologist Elizabeth Morris. The organisation is based in Gloucestershire and works with schools and parents throughout the UK. The director specialises in emotional intelligence and self esteem development.    She has worked in this field for the last twenty years and has run conflict mediation programmes and many building self esteem courses for schools, teachers, parents and children during this time. Her programmes are run in conjunction with the University of Bristol, ISIS and the Centre for British Teachers. She established and runs the national Self Esteem Advisory Service online and conducts research into the factors that increase self esteem in adults and children.
Self Esteem Advisory Service, Buckholdt House, The Street, Frampton on Severn. Glos.GL2 7ED
Tel: 01452 74 1106:     Fax: 01452 74 1520:     Email: elizabeth@selfesteemadvisoryservice.com

Sample of newsletter

Here is a short newsletter to keep you informed about significant studies and new developments in Building Self Esteem.    Please contact us if you would like to submit anything to our newsletter or ask any questions. We would love to hear from you.      
______________________________________________________________

Hello to everyone

The longest day has come and gone and yet again we are sitting here in the SEAS office quite bewildered about where the year has gone to. We are receiving a lot of questions and requests these days which we are really pleased to get. Remember that you can post any questions on to the Forum where other people may be able to give you some thoughts and suggestions too.

TEENAGERS AND STRESS
This month I thought I would look again at stress. This time however I am thinking about teenage stress. We know that children as young as eight report feeling stressed, feeling too overloaded with expectations and tasks to really relax and mess about without some goal to reach. Imagine then how teenagers feel. They have the increasing pressure of exams to be focusing on, difficult school year transitions to make and the increasing expectation that they will manage themselves, their work, their money and their time effectively (things that often adults have to go on courses to find out about!)

VIRTUALLY ALL 13 --1 18 YEAR OLDS ARE STRESSED OUT.
A recent study showed that virtually all 13-18 year olds were feeling stressed out. From our point of view this means that those young people are not able to have a positive response to the stressors they find themselves confronted by. They neither assess the situation and say 'no, I cant do that now but I could do it in two weeks time nor see the new demand as a challenge that they can enjoy and learn from. A stress response, of course, is what we make of a situation. The stressor itself is neutral. That is why one person will find a busy schedule a challenge and enjoy managing it effectively and another person will find it impossible, hating every task and feeling so pressurised that they become less able to think and perform.

We are also very aware of how volatile life at home can be when stress levels are high and everyone in a family is responding to their stressors by feeling tense and overwhelmed. When parent stress meets teenage stress there is a train wreck just waiting to happen!

WHEN DOES STRESS LET UP? WHAT CAN YOU DO?
There are a couple of areas that you could tackle to make a difference. The first obviously is attending to your own stress levels. The calmer and more effectively you deal with your own stressors the more you will be able to support your teenager. You will also be giving them good modelling and showing them by example what is possible.

The second area is a bit more psychological. We know that teenagers react to all the demands placed on them from outside agencies such as school, but what about the inner demands they have of themselves? What are they really saying to you if you had a secret decoder to understand their signals? Often the static you get from your teenager arises from a mixture of sources but try this acronym to help you get some ideas about the real issue behind their words and behaviour.

'FLASH- AVOIDING THE STATIC AND DEALING WITH THE REAL ISSUE
F -- I need to save face
If they try to avoid certain people or phone calls. Help them save face and deal with it -- dont embarrass by pushing them further or faster than they can go

L -- Please Listen to me.
Mentions something in an offhand sort of way and hints that it was OK but.... They need listening to attentively but not fixing.

A -- Im looking for an Argument
Surly behaviour, challenges to your authority, lots of negativity and body language. Forget it -- wait 'til they are on another channel!

S -- I need Support
Something has gone wrong with an exam, friendship, or game. No need to find answers.
Just empathise and do emotional coaching + share your confidence in them.

H -- I need Help
Shows lots of frustration. Try some ESP together -- Evaluate, Select and Proceed.
What do you really want to have happen?
What are your best ideas for getting there?
What sort of help might you need to make that happen?

Good luck!

Next month I will be moving to the other end of the age spectrum and writing about ways you can build self esteem in young children -- putting the foundation for their health and happiness in place right at the beginning of their lives. We have been researching a variety of packs of tapes, books, hand puppets and videos that are designed to help young children learn about themselves and the world in fun ways. I will be telling you what we have found out as we have tested them out.