Is Mommy Coming Back?" How Teachers Comfort Children About Parents Military Service

Childhood Education expert provides tips for teachers when comforting children whose parents have been called up for military service.

Contact: Gina Hoagland or Susan Cairnes
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October 5, 2001—Olney, MD—As the number of National Guard and Reserve troops called into action grows to more than 20 thousand, Americas children, still experiencing stress from the September 11 terrorist attack, must now deal with the departure of loved ones and the uncertainty of their return.

From the moment the first tragic images were broadcast nationwide, experts have coached parents to draw out childrens feelings and foster a safe" environment. But for the children whose parents or caregivers are called to combat the persons responsible for the initial emotional trauma, much of the comforting will have to come from our nations educators.

There are several key things [for teachers] to remember in situations like this," explains Dr. Jerry Aldridge, Coordinator of Early Childhood Education, University of Alabama at Birmingham. First, the age of the child will make a big difference. Younger children in preschool or kindergarten may not fully understand or comprehend why mom or dad have to leave and may feel abandoned.

Older children may develop anger. Some children, as in cases of divorce, may blame themselves somehow that the parent left because the child was ‘bad or did not live up to parental expectations."

Dr. Aldridge provides these tips for comforting children whose parents are called to service:

Encourage the child to talk, share feelings, and discuss the situation openly and honestly.

Look for changes in behavior such as anxiety, anger, or depression. Make sure the child is referred for appropriate help when necessary.

Encourage the child to bring artifacts and remembrances of the parent to school and keep in their locker, desk, notebook, etc. (if so desired).

Help and encourage children to write about their feelings. It might be a good time to implement interactive journals, in which the teacher responds to what children have written.

Do not lie to or patronize the child. Do not make unwarranted comments such as, Oh, everything will be OK." Or, I know your mom (or dad) will come back soon." Even saying things like, I'm sure your mom (or dad) loves you very much" is not appropriate. What IS appropriate is acknowledging and responding to the child's feelings. Comments such as, I know it's rough when your parent is not around" are more appropriate.

Dr. Aldridge is a member of the Association for Childhood Education International (ACEI) and has been cited as an expert by numerous media organizations, including: USA Today, The Chicago Sun Times, the Health News Network and CNN Headline News. He has written books about children with attention deficit disorder, and about self-esteem issues.

The Association for Childhood Education Internationals primary purpose is to promote the inherent rights, education, and well-being of children in the home, school, and community. ACEI publishes the award-winning publication Childhood Education, as well as the Journal of Research in Childhood Education.

This week, ACEI published a new book for educators called Children and Stress: Understanding and Helping" („2001. 128 pp. ISBN 0-87173-153-3. $22). While the book does not cover specifically the subject of parents called to military service, it does provide insight and advice to teachers helping children cope with other stressful life events, include losing a parent, moving, prejudice, and discrimination, among others.
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