QUIT BEIN A GIRL: DUMB THINGS WOMEN DO TO SABOTAGE THEIR CAREERS

Dr. Lois Frankel, an executive coach and President of Corporate Coaching International, a Pasadena-based consulting firm, believes women are their own worst enemies. "I dont want to blame the victim but women tend to collude with others who hold them back," says Frankel. "I see women do really dumb things just because thats how they were taught to behave in childhood." What are some of those dumb things? Here are a few from Frankels list of over 100:

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QUIT BEIN A GIRL: DUMB THINGS WOMEN DO TO SABOTAGE THEIR CAREERS
Los Angeles, California-April 10, 2002- Layoffs, downsizing, rightsizing and bankruptcies are on everyones mind these days. "Will I have a job tomorrow?" is the question du jour. Now more than ever, playing the game competitively is critical to survival in the corporation. This leaves women at a distinct disadvantage, claims one executive coach. Women were taught to be collaborative and compassionate -- not competitive. For women to survive in the new economy they have to unlearn many of the myths they were taught in girlhood.
Dr. Lois Frankel, an executive coach and President of Corporate Coaching International, a Pasadena-based consulting firm, believes women are their own worst enemies. "I dont want to blame the victim but women tend to collude with others who hold them back," says Frankel. "I see women do really dumb things just because thats how they were taught to behave in childhood." What are some of those dumb things? Here are a few from Frankels list of over 100:
1.   Ask permission. "In our society we expect children to ask permission, not adults," claims Frankel. "You certainly dont hear men asking permission of their bosses. They inform, not ask."
2.   Apologize. Women tend to apologize for even the smallest error whereas their male counterparts move immediately into problem solving mode. Although its not the dumbest thing a woman can do, it does serve to slowly erode her self-confidence.
3.   Smile inappropriately. A woman will often use a smile to soften a difficult message then wonder why others dont listen to her. Women should use their smiles more sparingly if they want to be taken seriously.
4.   Speak last in meetings. Early speakers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than later speakers. "Women need to get in the habit of being one of the first 2 -- 3 people to speak and speak more often in meetings," says Frankel.
5.   Sit demurely. Women are often taught to keep their hands folded in their laps when seated. The power position when seated at a conference table is forearms resting on the table, hands lightly clasped, and leaning slightly forward. People who do this are more likely to be listened to than those who keep their hands under the table.
6.   Groom in public. Although grooming is an important part of how a woman is perceived in the workplace it should never be done in public. Applying lipstick or brushing your hair only emphasizes your femininity and de-emphasizes your capability.
7.   Speak softly. When the voice gets louder you tend to gesture more naturally. Gesturing is important feature of making your point and if you speak too softly you literally and figuratively wont be heard.
8.   Play fair. Women tend to be more naïve than men when it comes to the rules of the game. Whereas a woman might assume all rules have to be obeyed, a man will figure out a way to stretch the rules and not be punished. Women need to develop a broader understanding of how to play the game.
"When I coach a woman," says Frankel, "I often tell her to quit bein a girl." This doesnt mean give up your femininity but rather leave the lessons of childhood behind and develop an adult repertoire of behavior if you want to win at work." Its something we all need to think more about if we want to get -- and keep -- the job we want.
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