6 Questions You Should Never Ask Adoptive Parents

No one wants to be hurtful to children. Or embarass themselves in public. This quick tips article outlines the most offensive questions people ask adoptive families.It offers immediate help for readers.

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For Immediate Release                                                    Contact: Beth O'Malley

5 Questions You Should Never Ask an Adoptive Parent:
Adoption Do's and Don'ts

Boston,MA---When you see a Mother holding an infant in the grocery store, do you ask, "Did you have a vaginal or caesarian delivery?" No,you wouldn't think to ask such a question. It would be intrusive or rude. Adoptive families, however, are often faced with similar inappropriate questions from well-meaning strangers or friends who simply don't know better.

"People have been Oprah-ized," says Beth O'Malley M.Ed, adoption expert, adoptee, and national-recognized speaker. According to O'Malley, "Many people believe that they can ask anything, anywhere of anyone. It's time that people became educated on good manners towards adoptees and adoptive families." O'Malley suggests the following list of "no- no" questions or comments:

"Are you baby sitting? Is her father Chinese? Is she adopted?"
"Are you her 'real' mother?
"Do you know why her real mother gave her up?"
"Why didn't you adopt from this country?"
"How much did your child cost?"
"What a lucky little girl to be adopted! I hope she is grateful."

O'Malley says that the most offensive term is when people refer to the biological parent as the "real" parent. This implies that the adoptive parent is somehow unnatural or not authentic. To avoid awkward situations, O'Malley offers the following tips:

Never use the word "real" in reference to the biological parent. Terms such as birth parent, first Mother, birthday mom are more appropriate.

Adoptees never refer to their parents as "adoptive parents? They are "Mom and Dad", just like in your family.

Never ask a question about adoption in front of the adopted child.

Ask yourself, "Why do I feel the need to ask this question?" Curious about adoption? Go online, talk to a social worker, go to the library, or attend seminars.

Beth O'Malley helps families talk with their adopted children about their beginnings. Her specialty is creating life history books known as lifebooks. To receive free tips on adoption talk and lifebooks, go to www.adoptionlifebooks.com
     O'Malley is the author of LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child available at Amazon.com
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