Reflections from an Unabashed Divorce Buster

The President's Healthy Marriages initiative has sparked heated debates among liberals and conservatives. One veteran marriage therapist and best-selling author believes they're missing the point.

(PRWEB) January 17, 2004 --The New York Times created quite a stir with its front page news yesterday, "Bush Plans $1.5 Billion Drive for Promotion of Marriage". Apparently, there are many who question the President's motives and worry about the implications of government money being spent on private matters such as marriage. But after four decades of rampant divorce and disposable marriages, isn't it time we asked ourselves about the emotional and financial costs to society when divorce is seen as a rite of passage?

Research suggests that children raised in divorced homes suffer emotionally, are more likely to engage in substance abuse and illegal activity and have a higher highschool drop-out rate. Adults in healthy marriages live longer, are healthier, do better financially, are more productive workers, are happier and have better sex lives than the single or divorced crowd. (Sorry, Sarah Jessica Parker)

If marriage touts these benefits, why then, this startling statistic: Of the marriages that end in divorce, fifty percent of these divorces will occur within the first four years of marriage. From bliss to breakup in a blink of the eye. Why? Because marriages don't come with instruction manuals, that's why. We're not born knowing how to have healthy, loving relationships. Our ideas about marriage come from our own parents' marriages, often strikingly poor models.

Contrary to what the American reality show viewers might think, good marriages aren't about choosing the right partner- someone who shares your background, beliefs and interests. Research tells us that people in long-term, loving marriages are no more similar to each other than those who divorce. Successful couples have their fair share of problems and differences. What separates loving couples from those who divorce is skills, relationship skills. People need to know how to communicate about the kids, sex and money, how to argue constructively, manage conflict and maintain friendship and passion over time. And the good news is that all of these skills can be taught.    Bring on Marriage 101.

To interview Michele Weiner-Davis, Author of the newly released paperback, THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE and Divorce Remedy, call The Divorce Busting Center, 800-664-24353.