Spring…Time for New Beginnings!

(PRWEB) March 24, 2004

Several readers have questions about life changes. I’d like to share them with you.

Question:     I am in my mid to late forties. My children are all in school and I want to go back to work full-time. The problem is that I have been out of the workforce for many years and feel antiquated. How do I begin to get my confidence back to rejoin the working world?

Answer:    A sure fire way to re-gain your confidence is to decide the type of work you want to do and get the training you need to do the job. It sounds like you may not be familiar with the technology, unskilled in methods, or you lack experience in doing a job you once had. First, decide if you want to return to a particular field or enter a new one. Next, contact your local Department of Labor. They offer free training, computer services, resume preparation, and job/career opportunities. A second approach to attaining state-of-the-art skills is to volunteer at an organization, school, company or industry in your desired field, or at one you where you might like to work. You’ll receive hands-on experience, while you train for the field. Finally, the Internet (search Jobs) will help you find jobs and many other resources to help you succeed in finding the job that’s right for you.

Question: My husband and I just got a divorce. I was the “Stay At Home” typical mother who now has to face a life being both a parent and a breadwinner. I was raised that a wife’s place is in the home. I feel guilty leaving my children with babysitters when I go out to work. How to I confront my fears and misgivings about this?

Answer: Clearly, this is a very difficult time for you, but you can succeed if you get the support you need. Get help from a support group for newly divorced women, or single mothers. Consult your attorney’s office, local newspapers, friends and neighbors, etc. for a suitable group. Being with other women challenged in the same way as you are can be comforting and you may learn many helpful things from one another. If your ex-husband is in your children’s life, seek his help as you move through this. He may be able to provide child care, take turns car-pooling, attend teacher/parent meetings, etc. As for your guilt, it’s normal but it will lessen if you carefully select the individual(s) who care for your children and, when you are at home, you spend time making them feel secure and loved. Tell them about the work you do when you’re away from home, get their help in making dinner or doing chores, and create a feeling of "we’re all in this together and we’re going to win because the _______’s are winners!" And, most important, find 15 to 30 minutes a day for yourself. Use the time to think, meditate, pray, play—make it a time for self. You need it to handle the complicated job of re-creating yourself as a single woman and mother. Also, be sure you have a quick meals cookbook and make lots of homemade soup and casseroles you can freeze so that dinner time is a joy, not a chore.

Question: I am recently back into the dating scene which I have been out of for almost 20 years. Any suggestions? I feel like a “fish out of water”?

Answer: And you are! The rules of the game have changed dramatically over time. Expectations are different, but one thing remains the same: family, friends and co-workers are still the best source of dates. That’s because they do the initial screening for you. But if you prefer to strike out on your own, go where the men are. Attend sporting events: hockey, basketball, tennis, polo, football. Take boating lessons, get involved in community theatre, play golf, volunteer or get a job with fire, police, or emergency service departments in your area. There is Internet dating as well, but tread lightly, you’re taking a chance on someone you know nothing about! Keep active and keep yourself out there. A knight in shining armor won’t get off his white horse to knock at your door, but he will ride away with you if you’re on the road!

Question: I know that confidence starts from within but from the past year of changes and mishaps, I feel drained and have lost all my self-worth. Where do I begin to start my life over?

Answer: Your answer is in your question. Despite all that’s happened, you’re still here! That’s a testament to your ability to withstand the bumps and bruises Life throws our way. You made it! You’re bruised but not buried. From this fact you can build the new you. Starting over with the knowledge that you can make it through the rough times, is the best foundation there is. You’re strong and you have survived. Choose the life you want. You’ve earned it!

© 2004

About Dr. Cecile Forté…Dr. Cecile Forté is a professional member of the National Speakers Association. Dr. Forté received her doctorate from Hofstra University. She has gained national prominence through television appearances, and her keynote/featured speaker presentations and seminar sessions take her to conferences and media events across the country. A motivational speaker specializing in relationships, women's issues and performance/productivity enhancement, Dr. Forté is a corporate consultant and author of six books including Wise Woman Don’t Have Hot Flashes They Have Power Surges!, A Woman’s Wisdom and Stolen Love under her pseudonym, D. Reid Wallace. Send inquires to Y’s Woman, Inc, 1078 Route 112, Suite 179, Port Jefferson Station, New York 11777. Her website is http://www.mcecileforte.com.