(PRWEB) April 13, 2004
Susan Burns, Psy.D. is undoubtedly proud of her book "Fast Track Adoption" which provides prospective adopters some ideas on how to go about soothing a frightened young woman's fears and making her feel she is making a good decision for her child.
But, there is one angle her book does not cover: How will your adopted child's natural mother feel when she finds out how proud you are of the methods you used to talk her out of her child? How will she feel when you break all the promises you made to her?
Burns writes: "Without an agency's interference, (the child's parents) and (the people considering adoption) have a greater voice in in making key decisions, often resulting in a better "fit" for everyone involved."
"...knowing about the (prospective) adopting family prior to the placement can assist a (natural) mother in her grieving process by reassuring her that she has made the right choice."
It seems unlikely to me that Burns is truly concerned about everyone involved or about the grieving process of a mother who has lost her child to adoption.
I got this email today (April 9, 2004) from a friend who is very involved with the open adoption community:
"I'm grieving my good friend right now. Cindy was a member of my adoption group for a year and a half -- we were supposed to meet next month. The (people who adopted) her daughter broke promises and Cindy never recovered. She took her life yesterday. Her daughter will be three on the 19th."
"I'm trying to help the members of my group ...and myself grieve. We were all SO close. She also left behind two teen boys. Please keep them in your prayers."
"(The woman who adopted her daughter) wrote the sickening new adoption book "Fast Track Adoption" ...and may even appear on 20/20 talking about how to get a baby quick. Cindy found out about this book by accident and was devastated by it's contents and how she was left out and used."
Many people are unaware of this dark side of adoption. The adoption industry has found ways to thwart attempts by natural moms and adoptees to voice their concerns about unethical adoption practices. One of the most revolting of the tactics used to obtain babies is the promise of "open adoption", the promise of continued contact with their child, made only with the intent to lure in unsuspecting mothers who might have otherwise kept their child. Open adoption agreements are not legally binding as other child custody or visitation agreements are and this frequently has devastating consequences. Many a mother is grieving the loss of a child to adoption. This grieving is compounded when she has so obviously, blatantly been used as a baby-making machine and then tossed out like yesterday's garbage once her child is in possession of the adopters. In Cindy's case, not only she but her sons and probably other family members were expecting contact with their sister, granddaughter, niece as well.
This is for Cindy Jordan and for all other moms who have been so used. This is for Cindy's daughter, her sons, her mother and father, her whole family. I hope our churches will mention this from the pulpit and work to enact change. I hope our human rights organizations will take note and work to enact changes. I hope women's organizations will for once stand up for these women who have been so long marginalized in this way and work to prevent further abuse.
Not everyone benefits from adoption and it's time people knew about it and did something.
Those mothers and fathers who are making a decision whether to keep their child or surrender their child for adoption deserve legal protections which include real information about the emotional risks to themselves, their child and other family members. They deserve to be protected from slick advertising and sales pitches from those seeking to adopt independently, from the adoption industry and from adoption lawyers. They deserve to be protected from the pressure put on them to choose prospective adopters before their child is even born which makes it very hard for them to disappoint them later.
They deserve to be treated with the respect due a human being, with the respect due a parent who is trying to make the best decision possible for their child and their families.
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