Stay-At-Home Dad Expert Offers Tips for New Stay-At-Home Fathers

(PRWEB) January 14, 2004

“In the brief, impressionistic vignettes that make up this tome, Hilling describes how he learned to be a father, shares stories about his kids and offers advice for other dads who may feel nervous or confused about their roles in their children’s lives.”

Publisher’s Weekly

“It’s what all new moms and veteran moms want: a real dad for their children. And now we can define Real Dad because of Hogan Hilling’s book, The Man Who Would Be Dad.”

Mary Lou Aquirre, Fresno Bee

“…an elder statesmen of the at-home dad movement…”

Brian Reid, Washington Post

“In The Man Who Would Be Dad, Hogan Hilling recounts personal stories of being the stay-at-home dad of three sons. He points out that mothers and fathers need to trust each other to care for their children in their own way. ‘Moms also need to encourage their husbands to participate in their children's care, whether it's dressing the baby or going to doctor's appointments,’ says Hilling, who has helped develop several dad programs in the Los Angeles area.”

Child Magazine

The Man Who Would Be Dad:

Hogan Hilling

December 2003 ISBN 1-892123-66-2 $12.95

6” x 6”, Paperback, 175p.p.

Dulles, VA: The American economy may be rebounding in some areas, but many people still are compelled to find unique ways to provide for their families and take care of their children in a job market that remains difficult. One solution that is becoming increasingly popular is for the father to stay at home and act as the primary caregiver to children, while the other parent is the principal breadwinner. Hogan Hilling, the author of "The Man Who Would Be Dad" and “an elder statesmen of the at-home dad movement” (Brian Reid, The Washington Post), provides tips to new stay-at home fathers on how to adjust to their new job.

In "The Man Who Would Be Dad," Hogan Hilling tells the story of how he became the father he is today. Written in lyrical vignettes, Hogan passes along wisdom and humor in the stories he tells about being a stay-at-home father for his three sons, one of whom is severely handicapped. Hogan is completely genuine in his desire to be the best dad he can be and to help other dads achieve this too.

Here are tips from the newly released paperback edition of Hogan Hilling’s The Man Who Would Be Dad , for both parents when one of them becomes a stay-at-home father:

 Accept different parenting styles and ways of completing tasks. “When I’m caring for the kids or responsible for cleaning the house, I do everything as I do them. When Tina’s the parent in charge, she does things her way, as a mom. We show respect for the way each of us parents our boys.”

 Don’t undermine each other with insults or corrections. “We’re learning to exercise some self control. We work hard to keep from making backhanded comments that undermine each other. It takes practice and kindness. Whenever one of us sees fit to offer some advice to the other, we accept what the other has to say as constructive criticism instead of condemnation.”

 Be aware of what you will be gaining and giving up by becoming a stay-at-home dad. “Yes, it’s tough to watch other fathers move up the corporate ladder and earn those big pay increases, awards, and promotions. The quality of our life as a family was more important than the quality of our family’s lifestyle. I don’t feel any sacrifice. I’ve gained much more than I ever gave up.”

 Being a full-time caretaker is a job, not a breeze. “In between my daily duties like bathing, feeding, and dressing the boys, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, and my wife’s honey-do list, finding and making time to spend with my kids is just as challenging for me as it would be for any father working outside the home.”

 Find a support group, but don’t worry if you are the only dad in a room full of mothers. “As much as I wanted to be part of the group and the moms wanted to accept the idea of having a father in the group, the fact that I was a father and they were moms made things a little uneasy for everyone in the beginning. Neither the moms nor I knew what to say or how to act toward each other, which got all of us started on the wrong foot. After a while, I stopped making an issue of the fact that I was the only dad in the play group and just concentrated on having fun and being a parent. Then I became more comfortable, less inhibited. Eventually, my perseverance and new attitude paid off.”

Hogan Hilling is the founder of Proud Dads Inc., a national consulting firm that sets up and conducts fathering programs for hospitals and other family-oriented organizations and business. In 1995, he received the California Courage to Care Award and the Parents’ Parent of the Year Award. Hogan has appeared on several national television and radio talk shows.

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