Abstinence Only - Running From Your Past

Whats driving the abstinence-only debate? A combination of political and religious opportunism mixed with some genuine concern, a good dose of parental confusion and a whole lot of hypocrisy. Is everyone forgetting when they were teenagers? Or are they remembering their past all too clearly and using a rigid moral agenda to somehow reconcile their own sexual history. Unfortunately its not working; in a recent report by Advocates for Youth, five years of abstinence-only programs were shown to have little effect on teen behavior. And parents who are relying on abstinence-only as their solution to teen sexuality, are often missing out on the one strategy that has been shown to work; opening the door to honest one-on-one conversations with their kids about sex.

Santa Barbara, CA (PRWEB) October 26, 2004 -- Many parents today are caught in a double bind, the 'Do what I say, not what I did dilemma when it comes to talking with their teenagers about sex. A large majority of these baby boomers had no modeling from their own parents for having the sex talk. And remembering what they did when they were young or hoping to keep it secret, keeps many parents from even attempting the dialogue. They mistakenly believe that any discussion will be interpreted as acceptance or encouragement for teenage sexuality. Some turn to strict moral guidelines and abstinence-only programs as the solution to their confusion. Unfortunately a recent study by Advocates for Youth on five years of abstinence-only sex education programs has shown that they have had little impact on teen sexual behavior. At the same time, a study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has shown that 88% of teens say it would be easier to postpone sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open and honest conversations with their parents.

Many parents are actually lecturing themselves rather than seeing their teenagers for who they are today" says Howard B. Schiffer, parenting and teen sexuality expert and author of 'First Love / Remembrances. He continues; There often is no discussion because fear is the motivating factor. Instead of listening and being able to offer guidance, fear pushes many parents toward rigid rules and attempted control of their teenagers lives." Neither has been shown to be an effective strategy for influencing teen behavior.

Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, author and researcher, in his book, Parenting From The Inside Out" points out the importance of parents reconciling their past, saying As a parent, making sense of your life is important because it supports your ability to provide emotionally connecting and flexible relationships with your children." Without an acceptance and understanding of their own past, parents are left to react rather than reason with their teenagers about what they are going through today.

The key is compassion", says Schiffer, Once parents can begin to reconcile their past, they come to realize that they were only kids doing the best they could and often with very little information or direction. It opens the door toward more understanding with what their children are going through today." Schiffer urges parents to honestly look at, learn from and come to terms with their past, and begin to enter into a real dialogue with their teenagers so their teens can make wise and thoughtful decisions as they begin to enter this challenging time.

###