Minnetonka, MN (PRWEB) November 10, 2004
Is your husband's idea of an apology telling you how sorry he is that you're so uptight? When he's mad, does he shut down, blow up, or work on his laptop instead of the relationship? There's good news for all you Wilmas out there--whatever your gender. Betsy Sansby, a Minnesota marriage counselor, has found a way to help even the most emotionally-challenged man share his feelings without you having to push, prod, or plead. It's called The OuchKit: Marriage Counseling in a Box (http://www.theouchkit.com).
Over the past twenty years, Sansby has seen hundreds of couples. Most say they still love each other but over time they've grown apart. The men complain that no matter what they do their wives are never satisfied. The women complain that the reason they're never satisfied is because their husbands don't give them what they want. Sansby explains: "Women don't want to be fixed. They want to be heard. They don't want to 'have sex'. They want to 'make love'." And they want their husbands to share their feelings. "The thing women don't understand," says Sansby, "is that the reason men don't share their feelings isn't because they don't want to. It's because they don't know what they are. How can we expect men to express feelings they've spent a lifetime learning to hide, suppress, and deny?"
Eventually, couples get frustrated with each other and stop trying to connect. In the end, what Sansby believes is destroying marriages isn't violence, but a "stony silence" that results from years of mutual frustration, misunderstanding, and disconnection. The OuchKit gives couples a way to break through this silence and revitalize their relationships.
The fascinating thing about The OuchKit is the effect it's having on men. "Suddenly," says Sansby, "a man with the emotional fluency of a rock starts telling his wife how hurt, unattractive and lonely he feels when she pushes him away sexually." It's not that men don't have feelings. It seems they just need help locating and naming them.
Here's how The OuchKit works. The kit contains 6 different kinds of cards, each with a different purpose: Ouch, Sorry, Thanks, You're Welcome, I've Been Wondering, and Now That You Mention it. You get a strong feeling and grab whichever card fits the situation. For example, if you're hurt, you grab an Ouch card. If you've been a jerk, you grab a Sorry card. Then you fill out the back of the card--which has fill-in-the blank questions and checklists of emotions--and leave it where your partner will find it. Your partner responds with another card, whichever one feels like the appropriate response. You keep exchanging cards until you're both feeling better and are ready to talk face-to-face.
"There's something deeply affirming about the simple act of naming our feelings--especially the vulnerable ones." says Sansby. "I'm always amazed at how quickly men drop their anger once they've found the right words to describe what they're feeling." And once they've calmed down, they're much more willing to broaden their perspective and assume the best about their partner.
The Ouchkit is available on-line at: http://www.TalkAboutRelationships.net. Discounts available for quantity orders. You can try out the cards for free by visiting the website and sending your own Ouch, Sorry and Thanks E-cards.