Courtesy Competence for Children - Taking some of the stress out of Holiday Social Events

Parents who have visions sugarplums being thrown across the dinner table over their heads will take heart at this real-world approach to Courtesy Coaching.

(PRWEB) December 4, 2004 --As parents anticipate upcoming attending holiday functions with their children, many have visions of sugar plums being hurled across the table dancing in their heads. For many of us, it seems that because weve been so busy trying to keep our children safe, healthy, and academically challenged another year has slipped by without transforming our children into polite young ladies and gentlemen. To compensate, many parents offer a crash course in Ps and Qs while were dashing from one social function to another what one might call a Minivan Manners Lessons".

In her extensive work with children and their busy families, Cyndee Harrison, founder of Courtesy Coaching finds that most parents and teachers simply lack a reliable and ready-to-go approach which will prove to be a worthy investment of the limited time that they have with their kids. We often say things to our children like 'Mind your manners without helping them develop a full understanding of what that really means" she says.

While many manners and etiquette books crowd the shelves outlining the current societal norms and standards of polite behavior, Harrison notes that few resources offer parents and teachers real-world approaches of HOW to accomplish competence with todays youth. Her organization offers a 'Courtesy Starter Kit as a starting point. Instead of pages and pages of Ps and Qs, the Courtesy Starter Kit is a short list of goals that are most common and universally expected among courteous school-aged children.

The Courtesy Starter Kit

Introductions and Body Language:
-Posture: Have your child imagine that an invisible string is tied to the crown of their head and it is being pulled taught from the ceiling.
-Introductions and Handshakes: Help children know what to do when an adult extends a hand to them. Imagine 'mitten hands' (four fingers together, thumb extended). Two firm up-and-down handshakes, then release and relax. In our culture, we look directly into the eyes of the person we're speaking with. Typically, we stand when being introduced to another person when possible.

Mealtimes:
-The Five most essential habits:
1. When in doubt, watch the host
2. Awareness of your body (elbows,mouth,etc.)
3. Kind words and 'just enough' information about likes/dislikes ("No, thank you" is enough to turn down offers of second helpings of something we don't like)
4. Napkins in the lap before the first bite...remain there until leaving the table when they are nearly folded to the left of the plate.
5. Kindness and respect to host...wait until all at table are served, excuse yourself from the table

Communicating with Others:    
-Speaking: Lose words like 'Yeah, 'Uh-Huh, and 'Nope and replace them with kind language such as 'Yes or 'Yes, Please and 'No, 'Thank You, or 'No, Thank You. Also, some conversation common sense is important...explain what inappropriate interruptions are to your children. Theres a difference between I want you" and I need you".
-Telephones: SAFETY FIRST! Review stranger dangers and then role play your expectations for handling incoming calls including turning down background noise, getting correct information for messages, and respecting those who are on the telephone.
-Correspondence: Even very young children can, with assistance, write a kind note of thanks or just to say 'hello and will soon learn that this is a magical way to make another persons day!

Helping our children grow into courteous adults is a lifelong learning process. Harrison suggests addressing one or two of them at a time through modeling (working on your own habits alongside your children), direct instruction (taking time out of your busy day to carefully explain each desired behavior or skill) and providing opportunities to practice (dont just reserve these traits for special occasions).
A suggested reading list, the full Courtesy Starter Kit, and more free downloadable resources are available at the website www.mannersforkids.com .

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