It's all Your Fault, Los Angeles Therapist Says to Angry Arguing Couples

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Anger management expert Marc Sadoff, MSW, BCD says, "One reason you are still in the room arguing with your partner.... is that You Are Still In The Room.... arguing." His video simulation training methods, for couples whose anger gets out of control, are unorthodox yet simple and effective in getting people to 'Stop Getting Defensive.' He helps couples see the illusion that defending and explaining yourself only digs you in the hole of arguing ever deeper. Sadoff replaces defensiveness with his 'First Pants... then Shoes' method for listening to someone who is upset with you.

These agreements will either help you make up... or break up.

While many marriage seminars and books on relationships talk about lofty ideals of intimacy and communication Mr. Sadoff's approach seems to be crafted from his having been a fly on the wall of angry arguing couples' homes. He writes as if he was there when you cursed at your wife calling her the 'B' or 'C' word; or when your wife repeatedly criticizes you and ends the relationship repeatedly but doesn't follow through.

Marc Sadoff, MSW, BCD, a Los Angeles based therapist featured in Time Magazine, focuses exclusively on better conflict communication skills and anger management. His approach can be previewed at his website at

His techniques cover the gamut from simply not listening thoroughly to each other all the way to physical confrontations that happen so often when one person wants to leave the room. The most common couples conflicts, he says, such as the woman pursuing the man for an emotional connection and the man withdrawing, defending or attacking in response is covered thoroughly. These communication skills are useful for use in family problems as well as workplace conflict.

Sadoff says that he's drawn his methods from having worked for 21 years in the anger management treatment field, from 10 years of specializing in couples therapy and from his personal experience.    The workshop manual, used for the weekend training is available for those couples not close to Los Angeles, at

The monthly weekend workshops and the manual contain exercises that couples are drilled in repeatedly over the training. One practice simulation exercise, using 15 short video vignettes of angry outbursts, is viewed by the participants, then they are to respond to the video vignette out loud using the method of 'How to respond most constructively to someone who is angry with you.' The other method practiced with the same videos is about 'How to express anger most constructively.' Mr. Sadoff says that by the time the method has been used 15 times out loud the couples have 'burned in' the technique so that they will remember how to use them when they need them later at home after the workshop.

In fact, Sadoff says, "These agreements will either help you make up... or break up." He adds, "The agreements become the measuring stick to decide if there is any 'Real Hope' for the relationship to improve. If real evidence of change does not occur then maybe it really is best if the relationship is ended. It's a form of 'Toxic Hope' to continue in a disrespectful relationship when there's no real evidence that it will change. The course ensures that you will get the evidence, one way or the other."

Mr. Sadoff said he wanted to create a strictly educational workshop, seen at to simply teach the best methods recognized by the professional community as being effective. He was trained by the PREP™ organization in Denver in 1996 and still uses much of their useful material. The training is repetitive simulation video rehearsals of angry vignettes. The next Los Angeles workshop is June 2nd & 3rd 2007.

Video and email testimonials by couples who have taken his weekend course have couples saying what changes and insights occurred for them that makes them feel hopeful again for their relationship. The video testimonials can be seen by broadband, cable and DSL users at

Those using slower dialup modems can view the email testimonials at

The manual is now available for immediate download as a .pdf file at

Sadoff says, "You insure you house, your car and your life… why not insure that your relationship has the best tools and chance for success? The workshop manual is based on research with thousands of couples and is great relationship insurance," says the therapist turned educator.

Media representatives may receive a free copy of the full workshop manual if you contact Mr. Sadoff with your request.

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