Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist

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Bestselling relationship gurus Steven Carter and Julia Sokol enlighten readers about trying to love someone who can only love them self. Here Carter and Sokol, point out signs and pitfalls of this serious relationship dilemma, providing suggestions for avoiding the inevitable traps of this negative affection.

Are you in love with somebody who regularly puts his/her plans, priorities, and needs ahead of yours? Are you in love with somebody who doesn’t even seem to notice that you have any needs of your own? If that’s the case, you might be in love with a selfish and self-involved narcissist.

Are You In Love With a Narcissist? — A Test:

Narcissism is not just a word. It’s an experience! It’s an all-consuming, confusing, vexing, perplexing and often incredibly destructive experience. You can best identify people with serious narcissistic issues because of the way they make you feel.

If you want to determine if the person you love has narcissistic traits, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do you often feel as though you are doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and your partner happy?

• Do you feel that nobody is thinking about you and what makes you happy?

• Is your relationship completely organized around your partner’s interests, schedules, and activities (or lack thereof)?

• Do you feel controlled by your partner’s up and down moods?

• Do other people tell you that your partner is “difficult,” “selfish,” and “self-absorbed?”

• Do you find yourself covering up for your partner’s inappropriate behavior?

• Is your partner making unilateral decisions that affect your life and well being (“We need to move to Belize”)?

• Is your sense of safety and security regularly threatened by your partner’s impulsive, selfish behavior?

• Do you feel like a slave to your partner’s ego?

• Is everything always about your partner (with your needs and priorities obliterated)?

If you answered yes to more of these questions than you want to admit, do we have a book for you!

Steven Carter and Julia Sokol introduced the term commitmentphobia in their groundbreaking, million-copy New York Times bestseller, "Men Who Can't Love". Now, in their latest book, they tackle the major relationship issue of our times—narcissism. "Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist" (ISBN: 1-59077-077-03 Pub date February 7, 2005; $21.95; 270 pages) shows why it’s so easy to be seduced and swept off your feet by a narcissist. “It’s easy to ‘fall’ for a narcissist,” Carter and Sokol say. “They can be very charismatic and usually engender strong emotions. They like to think of themselves as special, and at the beginning of a relationship, they will frequently draw us into their world and make us feel as though we are equally unique. That’s why getting involved with a narcissist can be such a heady, whirlwind experience. Falling in love with a narcissist is easy, but the problems of building a workable, long-term relationship with such a person can seem almost insurmountable.”

In "Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist", Carter and Sokol illustrate the common pitfalls of narcissistic relationships, while helping readers come to terms with exactly what they are experiencing. They also draw the connection between narcissism and commitment issues as well as between narcissism and addictive behaviors such as substance abuse, giving readers the power to see all the ways that narcissism manifests itself. With in-depth analysis, readers will learn how to cope with narcissistic relationships and how to get help or get out.

Written with the compassionate language that people have come to expect from these proven relationship experts, "Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist" goes beyond a simple explanation of the condition as it helps men and women avoid and/or learn to cope with people who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

About the authors

Steven Carter and Julia Sokol are the bestselling authors of The New York Times bestseller Men Who Can’t Love and He’s Scared, She’s Scared, and Getting to Commitment. They have appeared on national talk shows such as Oprah, The Today Show, and Good Morning America. Carter and Sokol’s work has been featured in such magazines as Cosmopolitan, Glamour, New Woman, and Mademoiselle, and they periodically lecture and run workshops throughout the country. Steven Carter lives in Los Angeles, California and Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.

"Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist"

Steven Carter & Julia Sokol

Publication Date: March

ISBN: 1-59077-077-03

270 pages


If you would like to schedule an interview with Julia or Steven, please contact me at 212-688-2810 or

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Dina Jordan