Study: Most American Kids Unable To Escape From Chinese Finger Traps

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American educational system is teaching for standardized tests but students fail in common sense.

A recent study indicates that as many as 64 percent of American school children are unable to figure out how to escape from Chinese Finger Traps.

The study concludes that American children are sadly lacking in critical thinking skills. The authors of the study suggest that the American educational system focuses too much on standardized tests and not enough on teaching common sense.

This inability of Americans to think rationally can have numerous implications. On a benign level, those lacking in common sense are routinely sent on "snipe hunts" or on various fool's missions in quest of a "sky hook" perhaps or a "left-handed monkey wrench." On a more serious level, this same lack of critical thinking skills creates a steady supply of victims for scammers and con men. Persons lacking in critical thinking skills routinely get sucked into get-rich-quick schemes, participate in chain letters, give up personal information to phishing scams, and fall victim to pyramid schemes. In addition, persons who are "hard of thinking" generally make poor consumers and are easy prey for unscrupulous salesmen pushing aluminum siding, time-share condos, transmission repairs, or miracle cures.

The CFTA or Chinese Finger Trap Assessment test reported additional correlations from the test results. The group which was unable to escape from the finger traps also scored poorly on so-called "idiot tests." Who's buried in Grant's tomb? Which is heavier, a pound of lead or a pound of feathers? Do they have a 4th of July in England? Students who were stymied by questions such as these were the same ones unable to escape from the Chinese Finger Traps. It is further noted that those who were unable to figure out the trick to escaping from the finger traps would often become frustrated and resort to simply ripping the finger traps apart in order to escape. The theory proposed for this behavior is that perhaps violence is in fact, as the saying goes, a tool of the ignorant. The authors of the study wonder how American children will be able to compete with Orientals in the future when they are so easily defeated by a thirty-five cent Chinese toy.

The CFTA study was sponsored by http://www.fakecrap.com, a private company based in Daytona Beach, Florida. For those unfamiliar with Chinese Finger Traps, they consist of a small cylinder made of woven bamboo into which the forefingers are placed, one in each end. The harder one pulls, the more securely the fingers are held. Also known as Chinese Handcuffs, the Chinese Finger Traps used for the study can be seen on the homepage at http://www.fakecrap.com.

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Joe Kulakowski
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