Man, I would yell, scream, call her names, break dishes, punch the walls, make threats, and all sorts of awful junk like that
Houston, TX (PRWEB) November 14, 2005
AJ has an anger problem. "I really went from the white house, to the dog house and then to the out house". AJ's anger problem includes at home at work and while out socially. AJ is working on his second marriage. He says his inability to control his anger ruined his first marriage, even though he refused to face it at the time, and it came very close to destroying his current relationship.
“It is hard for me to admit this, even now, but I have been a pretty big jerk most of my life, especially where my marriages were concerned,” AJ admitted. “I always felt like the man was the boss, and I wanted to be treated a certain way and I wanted things done a certain way. When my wife didn’t see things my way or do stuff my way, I would just go off on her.”
While he was only occasionally physically violent, AJ agrees now that the verbal abuse, along with the controlling tactics of intimidation he used at home, were every bit as destructive as actually striking his wife.
“Man, I would yell, scream, call her names, break dishes, punch the walls, make threats, and all sorts of awful junk like that,” he said with a noticeable sigh in his voice. “At the time, I would be telling myself that she deserved it, she started it, I needed to step up and take control or I was going to lose my credibility as a man. What a ****head I was.”
For a while, AJ says he was able to live with himself, in spite of his hurtful behavior, because he eventually apologized – after he calmed down and started feeling guilty – and tried to make it up to his wife. He would buy her expensive presents, take her on cruises, and once even tried to buy the family a larger and much more expensive house in an exclusive neighborhood. That deal fell through because of a poor credit score, the result of too much credit card debt because of all the other apology gifts he had purchased over the years.
“Yeah, the funny thing is, a lot of our fights were about money,” AJ observed, wryly. “I would start yelling at her for spending too much money, when the truth is things were tight because of all the stuff I had bought for her.”
Things finally came to a head about 3 months ago. AJ and his wife went to the movies. After standing in line to buy sodas and popcorn, they were making their way into the theater when his wife stumbled briefly and dropped a 24-ounce cup of soda at AJ’s feet, where it splashed all over his shoes and his pants. He immediately started yelling at her, berating her for her carelessness. Mortified at this public display of childishness, she started yelling at him, begging him to be quiet and stop embarrassing her. AJ shoved her against the wall, she shoved back, and he pinned her arms (he later told the judge it was just to get her under control). The theater manager called the police and AJ was carted off to jail, where he was charged with simple battery and spousal abuse.
“That’s when reality finally started to settle in,” recalled AJ. “I spent the night in jail, I had to pay a fine, and the judge gave my wife a protective order. I had to move out of the house, and the judge ordered me to get anger counseling. All of a sudden, I wasn’t just out of the house, I was in the outhouse!”
Anger Busting Begins.
AJ decided to search on the Internet for more information about Anger Busting, and that is when he came across the website for the Anger Management Training Institute (AMTI) (http://www.angermanagementseminar.com). AMTI founder and executive director James A. Baker authored The Anger Busting Workbook, an expanded treatment of the Anger Busting principles arranged in workbook form so that people like AJ can develop a strategy for implementing the principles in their daily lives. AMTI also offers a complete, 24-lesson anger management course based on the Anger Busting principles, suitable for court-mandated offenders like AJ.
“I contacted Mr. Baker through the website and he answered me right back,” AJ explained, still a little surprised at his good fortune. “Mr. Baker told me that if I would buy a copy of the Workbook for myself and my wife, he would give me access to the online class for free. I couldn’t believe it!”
AJ took Baker up on the offer and dug right into the course. Because he was able to work at his own speed, he completed the program in about 10 days.
“I was really motivated; I didn’t want to lose another marriage,” AJ said. “I love my wife and the truth is, I was sick of myself and had been for a long time. I was ready to change. I just didn’t know how.”
What AJ didn’t expect was for the Workbook material to be as powerful and effective as it was.
“I can’t really explain to you what a difference the Workbook and the whole course has made in my life,” declared AJ. “Hightower’s book was helpful, but the Workbook program just makes the whole thing come alive. It was very direct and easy to use, and it made me face myself in ways that I never thought I could. I learned so many things that helped me change the way I think and the way I behave. Before long, I moved from the outhouse to only being in the doghouse with my wife!”
When AJ finished the course, he received a certificate that the court accepted as the fulfillment of his anger management requirement. However, he has now repeated the course and re-read the Workbook again.
“Look, I don’t want to get soft here.” Said AJ, with a little smile beginning to play at the corners of his mouth. “I have learned so much from Mr. Baker and his program, but I still have a long way to go. I would just say to all those other million guys out there, you don’t have to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Get help. Get this Workbook or get online and find these people, or talk to someone. Life can be better, man. Don’t waste it.”
Recently, AJ’s wife allowed him to move back home, though they are continuing to see a counselor together.
“Yeah, from the outhouse to the doghouse and finally, back in the white house,” AJ chuckled a little. “I’m not proud of who I have been, but I am glad for what I have finally done about it. My wife and I are both looking forward to the future for the first time in a long time.”
AMTI was founded by James A. Baker http://www.bakercommunications.com to provide anger management training resources for corporate and private clients, as well as for court-mandated offenders. In addition to the online courses, live training classes are also available.
For more information on the courses or the Anger Busting Workbook, contact:
James A.(Jim) Baker
Anger Management Training Institute