Simple Steps For Holiday Harmony

Parents can grab one or two quick tips and side-step Christmas conflicts with children.

Portland, OR, Dec. 16, 2005 (PRWEB) December 18, 2005 -- The holiday stress-mix — travel, visitors, shopping, crowds, traffic, too much fat and sugar, over spending and the unrealistic expectations of relatives, especially children. Too quickly, the anticipated delight of the holiday season becomes a letdown for many families. Worse yet, children are taught that this is a time of anxiety, not joyful anticipation.

It doesn’t have to be that way. A few easy and simple adjustments can ease the seasonal strain of what might seem like inevitable family conflicts. With over twenty years in the successful treatment of thousands of individuals and families, Oregon author and family psychologist Ba Luvmour, executive director of the nonprofit EnCompass, providing families programs for optimal well-being, offers some concrete and immediate tools that work for almost all families. He recommends that families plan celebrations using techniques that will focus on the developmental stages of children. Communicating in a developmentally appropriate way simply and immediately addresses most problems. Messages can easily be shaped and delivered in a way that children can clearly understand, typically through language or games. The time-tried-and true tips below are universally effective with children of all ages and they might bring you the best holiday season ever. Use them to overcome these common conflict-ridden holiday scenarios.

Travel to strange places and visitors from afar
Many of us visit with family or friends during the holidays that we see only occasionally. Children easily are ignored or even frightened in the mix of rarely seen faces. Also, leaving children to play with one another robs them of the important social learning of connecting with relatives and friends of different ages. Include children in the preparations for visitors, including cooking, arranging furniture and cleaning. If your family is traveling, build a sense of purpose and excitement by letting children hold a map of your destination, after explaining the travel steps your family is going to take.

Before visitors arrive or your family travels, go over the guest list with your children so that they can begin to get a sense of familiarity with people they do not know well. Plan multi-age activities to include visitors and extended family. For example, “Favorite Fives” is simple, fun and allows people to catch up with each other quickly. Break the group into pairs, preferably with a partner of a different age who they do not know very well. Then each person speaks of their favorite fives — film, interest, vacation, eats, and sports. Gather the partners together and have them introduce each other with “this is my friend [Name] and he/she likes…” Remember, help the littlest ones by reminding them of answers when it is their turn.

Appreciate the sparkle in children’s eyes
Holiday time is a very special for children. Yet many parents get lost in their to-do list. Ignoring children who are not in school not only leads to boredom but mischief and inevitable conflicts. It is essential to have one-on-one time with each child in your household and with any children that are visiting. Enjoy your children, their friends and those of visitors. Cut out the chores and play with the children in the house. Understanding by participating in their play is the easiest way for adults to spark genuine interest in their children’s interests. Positive behaviors are produced with children if you let them know the real gift that they bring to you is their time and their love.

Don’t feed Christmas-day gift frenzy
Fight the urge to flood children with gifts. Too many gifts, especially all at once leads to adults over-spending, childhood disappointments and commercialization of the holiday. When gifts are opened, take time to think about who gave the gift, especially if they are not in attendance, for example, have a photograph on hand of the gift-giver. Pull the gifts out from the tree and hand them out, one-by-one and take turns opening gifts. If the gift is from someone present, spend time enjoying it together. This gives immediate emotional value to the gift and more important then the gift itself.

Holiday disappointments and letdowns
Work with disappointment when you see it. A child might have been expecting a certain gift and didn’t get it, or might be looking forward to see a favorite relative who has different interests and does not reciprocate the attention or affection. It is best to connect to the disappointed child immediately and in the moment. Take the time and encourage them to them express their feelings. Above all, don’t judge or try to explain away the disappointment. Letting children voice their feelings often is a sufficient release that allows them to quickly rejoin the festivities.

Put the holiday in perspective
Spend a moment in silence remembering loved ones who have passed away. As a family, name the gifts that they brought into your life during their lives. A good way to do this is to write a list (or make a picture). This is a healthy kind of grief and this tool gives family time much more meaning. Although it may temper our joy for a moment, it also brings greater depth and meaning to the love we share with those around us.

Editors: Please note interviews and additional holiday tips are available.

Contact: Ba or Josette Luvmore (503) 493-1172 -or- Mara Woloshin 503-241-3834, 503-310-4504 (after hours).

###