First Date Jitters? April Masini's Tips and Advice On How To Cope With Fear Of First Dates

First impressions. They are immediate, they are long lasting and, in most cases, they are permanent. Here's how to make sure your first date conversations not only leave a great first impression, but also get you where you want to go.

(PRWEB) June 29, 2005 -- Dating can be frightening if you put too much pressure on yourself or on the date. This can be a horror show, or it can be enjoyable and productive. The beauty is – you get to decide what it is. Yup. Thats right. Even though it doesnt feel like it, youre in control.

Dont believe me? Run – dont walk – and pick up Date Out Of Your League" (for men) or "Think and Date Like A Man" (for women), both written by April Masini, then read on and listen up – its true.

First Date Conversation Do's and Don'ts
First dates can be ignitable or real duds -- and the trick is that sometimes the ignitable first dates fizzle out and fade away while the real duds just take longer to get going and slowly boil. Here are some tips to make first date conversations get you where you want to go -- learning about your date and having fun doing it.

Do:
1.Ask what you want to know. Why bother with superficial questions that riff on that old standby, "What's your major?" If you know what you want in a relationship then you won't waste time on a first date or a first date conversation.

The best way to ask what you want to know is to have done your homework -- in fact, its one of my ABCs – a basic you should master when starting to date: know what you want. Whether its fun without commitment, or someone to marry, stay focused and dont waste your time – or your dates. If he or she doesnt fall into that category of people you want as a date, then just say no.

2. Tell the truth, but don't give your entire unedited autobiography during dinner. The idea is to go back and forth in a conversation. Be aware of who's doing most of the talking. If it's you, stop and ask some questions.

Theres a difference between playing coy, and lying. You should always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – just not all of the truth at one time! Regurgitating your life story in one sitting is boring, and if you date often, youll get into the habit of giving the same story of my life speech at each date. However, if you tell him a little at a time, youll be able to see if hes really listening, and if hes interested by his response. Hell want to know more, or hell change the subject.

The same goes for him. Be aware of what he tells you and what he doesnt. Ask him what you want to know. Be aware of whether he asks questions – or if hes tuned out and is staring at your chest. Same with the ladies – see if shes really listening to you, or if shes staring at your broad shoulders and not listening to a word youre saying.

3. Relax. It's great to want to impress someone, but if you spend the entire date on your Christmas dinner behavior, you'll have kept "the real you" from them, and maybe even vice versa!

This doesnt mean you should belch the alphabet and show him what kind of a party gal you really are. It does mean that you should be comfortable with yourself, and laugh if you think somethings funny, and just as quickly, dont laugh if something he thinks is a joke is offensive. Manners are terrific, and a good show of how someone treats themselves and the world, but theyre just the bells and whistles. If you relax and have some fun, youll let your date see a side of you that is important – and youll get to see how easily they open up – or dont.

Don't
1.Don't focus too much on talk about what "your type" is, and why you've been unsuccessful up to now. By describing your type, you may be insulting your date -- besides which, if you're so sure of your type, why are you out on a first date?

You wouldnt like it if he told 36A, you, that he usually goes for bigger" blondes, and he wouldnt like it if you tell him you usually go out with guys who are more buff. So dont start telling him what you dont like, and why youve made an exception in this case. Its not just bad manners – its not productive.

2. Don't be rude or use questionable manners. Don't say, "Shut up," "Get out," or any other playful put down -- and don't curse. Learn to communicate without these language crutches.

3. Don't start asking your first date to commit to a party in August, a weekend in September, and meeting your friends at Christmas -- on the first date. Even if you like this other person a lot, stay cool. Don't play all your cards at once, and don't make commitments so far in advance on a first -- or second -- date.

And for a few laughs: April's Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear On A First Date
1. Oh look -- my husband!
2. Oh look -- my boyfriend!
3. Oh look -- my parole officer!
4. Do you have herpes, too?
5. Let's get really drunk and drive!
6. I want to stop at the market -- I'm out of cat food for my fifteen kitties.
7. My fourth ex-husband was really crazy, but he was nothing like my fifth husband.
8. I hardly ever have visions any more since the electro-shock therapy -- you should try it.
9. I'm not drinking tonight -- pregnancy scare. Just to be on the safe side.
10. Wow, your feet are so small -- I hope that isn't a sign of other things.

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