Singles Risk Status Quo to Find Right Mate

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Ask singles what they want, they say their right mates. Ask them what they’re doing to find them, they insist they’re doing everything humanly possible. So why are so many singles still alone?

When hundreds of workshop participants, men and women of all ages, were asked, “Why haven’t you been able to find your right mate?” their answers fall into three categories:

1.    “The Scientist”. There’s no such thing as a “right mate”; I only believe in things I can see and touch; I’m too picky (or old, or unattractive, etc).

2.    “The Grown-up”. It’s a matter of luck and I’m not lucky; I’ve been hurt too many times. I gave up believing in a “right mate” when I stopped believing in Santa Claus.

3.    “The Confused Optimist”. I’d like to believe there’s someone out there for me, but what if that’s just a myth? I’ve been waiting for that “certain someone” but maybe I need to stop dreaming and settle on someone who’s at least compatible.

So, on the one hand, we have singles who say they desperately want to find a mate. On the other, we have those same singles who are so wrapped in self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophesies that finding their right mate would be like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack of mammoth proportion.

Exactly what are these singles “doing” to find their right mates? Unfortunately, exactly what they’ve always done…Believing what they’ve always believed, thinking what they’ve always thought, going where they’ve always gone, and behaving the way they’ve always behaved. Whether it’s speed dating, internet cruising, going to bars, going to the gym, learning how to “be sexy in bed”, or “dress for success”, their refusal to challenge the status quo of their lives keeps them perpetually alone and lonely.

“What singles don’t know is that the one thing they need is the one thing they already have,” says Heidi Connolly, author and coach, “and that’s the inherent ability to take the risk to challenge the status quo…the status quo in their lives and the status quo of certain societal standards. Because, believe it or not, taking that one risk is the one step that starts the balling rolling.”

Singles who take the risk to challenge the status quo:

(1) Commit to self-awareness: recognize the symptoms of being stuck

(2) Commit to self-analysis: figure out how they ended up stuck in the first place

(3) Commit to self-acceptance: figure out how to get unstuck and how to access the tools they need to get what they want

“It’s like having your own personal easy button,” continues Connolly, because it comes with unlimited usage (you never run out of your own abilities), unlimited power (you never stop adding to your own propensity for growth), and, best of all, because it’s absolutely free, so it’s yours forever at no charge.”

Taking this kind of risk may be the single hardest thing to do, but singles who reclaim their ability to “commit to self” quickly learn that it is also the single most important factor in determining their ultimate success…and finding the mate of their dreams.

Heidi and Randy Connolly, co-authors of “From Your Lips To God’s Ear…Finding Your Right Mate In 10 Easy Steps”, are available for interviews by calling 781.789.0027. Book distribution by IPG Chicago 800-888-4741.

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Heidi Connolly