WIN or be a Loser - How to Recover from Our Unhealthy ‘Must Win’ Attitude

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Our society has brainwashed us into believing that if we don’t win, we are ‘losers.’ That attitude affects the way we behave in business, at home, on the sports fields, and in our schools. Cheryl Perlitz, author and life change/survival expert, will provide useful tips to help us put winning in healthy perspective. For more detailed information see media page at

Vince Lombardi said, “Winning isn’t everything - it’s the only thing.” That’s the way our society sees competition – you win, or you’re a loser. A loser is a hopeless waste of space and a failure.

We need to rethink the importance our society puts on winning when we see:

A youth baseball draft system run by father coaches who rank 8-year-olds and then have a competitive selection process: all jockeying to make sure they don’t end up with a certain ‘loser’ (who might only be slow to develop).    

Fans of college teams who are depressed when their NCAA team fails to make the sweet 16.

Fans of soccer teams who storm the fields, causing injury and death of other fans.

Parents who push and pressure their children excessively to make them excel at a sport.

We have been taught the importance of winning at the office, in business, on the sports fields, at our schools and in bed. Our society has created businesses that are focused only on the bottom line, people who push to win at all costs, and individuals who judge themselves and others by whether they win or not.

Our children are pressured to be winners in sports, to be popular in school, and to compete to achieve the best grades. They are pressured by peers, parents and educators – and if they fail, they see themselves as losers – and the pressure builds.

We are never taught to appreciate the whole picture. We need to lose, to appreciate the wins, to learn what works, and to grow. Losing makes us strong.

Cheryl Perlitz, life change expert and author of Soaring Through Setbacks, Rise Above Adversity and Reclaim Your Life, offers inspiring tips to help us teach our youth, and remind ourselves, to put winning and losing in healthy perspective.

As parents, grandparents, educators, health care professionals and friends we must:

*Lighten up and look at losses as part of life and not personal failures.

*Emphasize the effort involved , not winning and losing.

*Play together as a family or with other families and friends in a casual way, with no winners and losers.

*Not force a child to participate in a skill activity they have no interest in, even though you might be.

*Always emphasize the importance of having fun in extra-curricular activities.

*Not let them quit until their commitment to the activity is completed, or they will learn to give up when things don’t go their way

*Help them to set their own personal goals so they can learn one step at a time. Teach them to learn success by earning it with hard work.

*Teach them that winning isn’t everything.

*Get them involved in things that aren’t competitive.

*Introduce them to multiple activities involving a variety of skills.

*Discuss behavior of coaches, other parents, and other children honestly with your children – emphasizing your family values.

*Not ask repeatedly - “How did you do?”, “Did you win?”, “How did the other guy do?” “Did you hit a homerun?”, “How did you play?” All of those questions put too much emphasis on competition.

*Not go to every practice and hover. Go to the events and support your children, but hovering puts too much importance on the activity.

*Show equal interest in the activities of all of your children.

*Watch how you project your enthusiasm for a sport to your children. Children want affirmation from adults and if they are not interested or accomplished in the same thing they will feel like they have failed you.    

*Encourage them to have friends who are interested in other things so they see the value of diversity in their life.

*Tell them you love them no matter what – over and over again.

Cheryl Perlitz is the author of the inspiring book "Soaring Through Setbacks - Rise above adversity - Reclaim your life" and “Soaring through Setbacks….The Recovery Workbook’ As a dynamic speaker and facilitator, her inspiring, fun and motivational stories help listeners and readers to transform their challenges into opportunities.

Cheryl is not a therapist, or medical doctor. She does not have a PHD or an advanced degree in psychological theory. She is a regular person, like most of us. She is a sought after talk show guest because of her easy casual style, her ability to tell wonderful stories that the listeners and readers can relate to, and her understanding and compassion for others.

If you would like to hear more about this topic, and/or more detailed survival tips for transforming challenges into opportunities contact Cheryl Perlitz.
To Book An Interview call

cell 847-609-8032 or 847-562-8933

Cheryl is available for last minute interviews


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