Generation Y or Generation Why Not?

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Pop media tells us the teens of Generation Y are more forward thinking sexually. They are more advanced than their counterpart generations. It seems Generation Y has become a Generation of Why Not? Dr. Klayne I. Rasmussen, marriage and family therapists, offers a compelling theory on intimacy for why not.

Pop media tells us the teens of Generation Y are more forward thinking sexually. We're told it’s a time when girls can enjoy their own sexuality like never before. Oral sex – a subject that used to be taboo, is becoming more commonplace among high school and junior high students. It seems Generation Y has become Generation Why Not? But, inside this freedom portal lie the vulnerabilities of insecure feelings, relationships of confusion, and unfulfilled expectations.

The vulnerabilities and insecurities today come from sexuality blurring the ability to have a meaningful relationship. Sex does not equal relationship. When teens freely express themselves sexually, they are still left with the age-old questions like, “Does he really like me?” “What if he or she doesn’t call again?” “Will he or she say ‘hi’ to me next time we see each other?” The questions haven’t changed, but the intensity has.

According to Dr. Klayne Rasmussen, marriage and family therapist and president of IntraLife Systems (, “The bottom line is that teens and young adults are still trying to figure out how to do relationships right and sex is not the answer. While sex is important to a meaningful long-term relationship like marriage, when it is used in a relationship with no commitment it can cause more confusion than clarity. It is clouding the lines of intimacy and causing even more vulnerability.”

One would think that sex means intimacy, but Rasmussen gives a good argument as to Why Not to Generation Y. He explains in his “Goldilocks Principle” of intimacy regulation that sex is only part of intimacy. When couples have intercourse they are close, close, close, but if they have never established a secure, respectful relationship they have nowhere to go but in the “no zone” of relationships.

The “Goldilocks Principle” of intimacy explains that couples agree with each other, on a subconscious level, to operate within a certain range of intimacy. If they move too close for an extended period of time it’s too hot or too intense. If they move too far into the “no zone” it’s too cold or insecure. This is what happens to most non-committed relationships where the partners are engaging in sexual activity as the only form of “intimacy.” According to Rasmussen, “Many of these couples never find a way to create a relationship based on true intimacy because they never had a ‘just right’ zone.”

Beyond the Spell for Teens: What Guys and Girls Wonder About Each Other, co-authored by Rasmussen, is a book written for teens that answers real questions submitted by teens on life, love, and relationships. For a limited time, IntraLife Systems has teamed with other authors on a special offer of gifts with a purchase

The “Goldilocks Principle” of intimacy regulation is explained in detail in the new Romantic Rendezvous Home Edition produced by IntraLife Systems.

IntraLife Systems mission is to help teens and adults have the most fulfilling and successful relationships possible. All products and services are produced with this end result in mind.

For more information about IntraLife Systems, Dr. Klayne Rasmussen or any of the products above visit


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