Four Simple Steps for Having The Best Mother’s Day Ever

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Most psychologists agree that almost all of us carry hurt, disappointment, anger and guilt in relationship to our mothers, even when we are adults and parents ourselves. Dr. Diana Kirschner presents four simple steps for letting it all go and improving your relationship with Mom this Mother's Day.

“This Mother’s Day forget flowers, forget candy. Instead, give your mother and yourself the ultimate gift: letting go of any ‘baggage’ from the past and creating a renewed and more loving relationship,” says Dr. Diana Kirschner, a top psychologist who is one of the nation’s leading authorities on relationships and author of the smash hit book, Opening Love’s Door. “This is a gift you can give your mother and yourself on Mother’s day, even if she has passed away.”

Most psychologists agree that almost all of us carry hurt, disappointment, anger and guilt in relationship to our moms, even when we are adults and parents ourselves. Here is Dr. Kirschner’s advice for letting it all go:

1. Extend Forgiveness. Forgiving your mom is a decision you make, to let go of any anger, disappointment or hurt. Here’s how--take a few minutes and visualize yourself living the life of your mother. Imagine yourself being her as a little girl, as a teenager and then growing up as a young adult--and doing the ABSOLUTE BEST she could at every stage.

2. Handle Guilt. You need to take a clear look at your own wrong-doing. Make a list of three ways you have failed your mother: you don’t call, say hurtful things, forget her birthday, that kind of thing. Read it over and over again. If you read the list enough, it will become less charged with upset or guilt. Second, make a sincere apology to your mother. Third, offer to make it up to her in some way that is meaningful to her. But make sure you can follow through on your word.

3. Let Go of Blame. Take 10 minutes to create a more loving connection with your mother--it’s free and the quickest “therapy” available. How can you do that? Notice any way that you blame your mother for troubles in your life. Blaming grows out of holding on to a grievance story in your head about how you were wounded and victimized by her. Recognize that this is only a story about the past that holds your body and mind hostage in a prison of tension and dis-ease.

4. Build a Positive Relationship. You have to switch your attention away from your grievance story about how your mother hurt(s) you. Recognize that any frustrating or annoying traits she had or has are not personal to you—-they are just part of the negative stories in her head. Instead focus on the love that lies underneath your mother’s criticism or negativity. Hold that focus when you interact with her. You’ll be surprised how that changes the relationship between you.

About Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a nationally-known psychologist & love expert who has appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America & NPR Radio. She is quoted in the New York Times, USA Today, Time Magazine, The LA Times, Cosmopolitan and numerous on- & offline publications. Her book, “Opening Love’s Door: The Seven Lessons” has been called a ‘cult classic’ by Readerviews.com & her Amazon short, “The Ultimate Guide to Getting the Love You Want” is a #1 bestseller. For more info: http://www.openinglovesdoor.com/mothersdayinterview.html

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Dr. Diana Kirschner

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