Is it Really Just About the Sex?

Share Article

Dr. Klayne Rasmussen thinks very few women have any idea about what men really want in relationships. He's narrowed it down to a list of 3 key things. Women, many times unknowingly, do things that directly attack the sense of manhood that men are striving to maintain.

"All he ever thinks about is sex." "I don't mind cuddling, but why does it always have to lead to sex?" "I don't like rubbing my husband's back because it always leads to having sex." "He's only nice to me when he wants 'you know what.'"

These are just a few things Dr. Klayne Rasmussen, marriage and family therapist, has heard from wives in the therapy room. But is it really just about sex for men in a committed relationship? According to Dr. Rasmussen, the answer is, "No." Sex has a much more core meaning for most men and is only part of one of three major things men want most in a marriage relationship. (

The first thing a man wants, Dr. Rasmussen points out, is to know that he is still attractive to his wife. He wants to know that he still "has it," that he can still run his wife's motor. This is true even after he grows bald and sports a pot belly, well beyond his Adonis prime. Rasmussen continues that this may sound like it's only about sex and some women may think, "See, it is just about sex." But if that's the interpretation then they are missing the real point.

To most men, being sexually attractive is more than just being sexual. It means that they are still the alpha male. It means they are top dog on the totem pole. It means that they are number 1. In essence it means they are a real man. It can literally give them a sense of place and value in the relationship. This is indeed more than just sex. It means, "I am OK, the relationship is Ok."

The second thing a man wants is to know he is an adequate provider. Being an adequate provider and taking care of his own again "proves" he's a man because that's what real men do. The third thing is to feel like he is the king in his castle. This may explain the need to control the remote. Men want to feel like they matter and have some importance in their home.

According to Dr. Rasmussen, the general theme of what men want from a relationship is to feel like a man. He says, "Some may call it ego, but it is the way most men feel and it is a fragile position. That makes the husband very vulnerable to his wife and how she treats him or recognizes his efforts and wants."

Dr. Rasmussen thinks that very few women have any idea about what men really want. And they do many things that directly attack the sense of manhood that men are striving to maintain. For example, often the first thing that is withheld in a relationship if it is not going well is sex. If this happens continually it attacks the number one thing on the list, his sense of attractiveness and being "top dog."

Another example is if a wife continually says, "We don't make enough money," "I wish we could afford this or that," "We need more." She is attacking number two on the list. If a man comes home and is made to feel he has to try and fit in to his wife's domain (the home) - number three is attacked.

According to Rasmussen, "Many men have commented that if their wife just understood these three things and helped them feel valued in these areas rather than attacking them they would be putty in their wive's hands. Instead what they get is a distant, seemingly insensitive brute rather than a prince who would go to the ends of the earth for their queen whom they feel understands and accepts them better than anyone else in the world."

For more information on what men and women want in relationships visit


Share article on social media or email:

View article via:

Pdf Print

Contact Author

Verena Rasmussen
Visit website