Marriage Counseling Expert Says Laughter Can Save Marriage

Many couples can avoid marriage separation and stop divorce by laughing more. Using humor appropriately can be an antidote when spouses get angry with each other.

Birmingham, AL (PRWEB) July 10, 2006 -- Many couples can avoid marriage separation and stop divorce by laughing more. Using humor appropriately can be an antidote when spouses get angry with each other.

“One way for many couples to avoid marriage separation and stop divorce may be to laugh more,” says marriage counseling expert Nancy Wasson, Ph.D. “Using humor appropriately as an antidote when spouses get angry with each other can go a long way toward smoothing things out.”

According to Wasson, “What usually leads to divorce in most cases is a downward spiral in a marriage caused by the accumulation of hurt feelings, frustration and anger.” So what can a couple do to avoid such a scenario?

In some cases, divorce comes after years of serious marriage problems, including infidelity, alcoholism or abuse. “Many marriages like those are clearly beyond human help,” Dr. Wasson added. And although marriage counseling may help some of the spouses in these cases see the need for continued professional help, marriage separation and divorce are the common outcomes for these couples.

However, many other couples have a fundamentally good relationship but are nagged by unresolved marriage problems that the partners repeat over and over through the course of months and years of living together. And sadly, some of these marriages also end in divorce, devastating not only the spouses themselves but also any children involved.

“Good marriages don’t have to go bad just because couples don’t have the right tools,” continued Wasson. “Learning to see the humor in a situation can be one of the best ways to manage anger and resentment.”

According to Dr. Wasson, a couple that learns to dissipate conflict by laughing has a powerful tool for keeping emotional intimacy in the marriage. This is true because laughter acts as a safety valve in helping to prevent the buildup of resentments in the relationship.

Some guidelines recommended by Wasson for diffusing anger with humor are the following:

1. Make allowances for your mate. If your spouse is irritable with you, the reason is often due to reasons that have nothing to do with you, even if she is directing her irritation at you. Therefore, cut her (or him) some slack.

2. Minimize your defensiveness. Don’t be so quick to point out why you’re not to blame. Instead spend a little time probing your spouse with questions. Find out the true underlying reason why the partner is upset during an argument or fight.

3. Be prepared to accept responsibility for your part in the exchange. Look for your contribution to the issue or problem that led to the argument. At first, you may not see how you helped cause a problem or an issue because everyone has a blind spot regarding their own behavior.

4. Acknowledge your spouse’s viewpoint. Look for something you can agree with her on. Show her respect by agreeing with her on that point.

5. Finally, find a way to poke fun at yourself as a safe, yet endearing target. You’re not trying to be funny per se. Instead if you can show that you’re not taking yourself too seriously, that can have a tickling effect on the mood of both yourself and your spouse.

Wasson concludes, “Remember, staying connected with your spouse means to focus on doing the things that create emotional intimacy and distancing yourself from behaviors that pull you apart.”

Marriage counselor Nancy Wasson, Ph.D., has been a Licensed Professional Counselor for more than twenty years. She coaches couples in unhappy marriages and provides immediate help through the privacy of telephone and email consultations. She is the author of “Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says ‘I Don’t Love You Anymore!’ ” She offers a free weekly marriage advice newsletter at www.KeepYourMarriage.com.

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