NewsLaugh Exclusive! Israel's Commendable But Costly Military Tactic: Make War As Make Nice

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In this week’s free issue, NewsLaugh.com, The Sanely Funny Weekly Humor Magazine, reports on Israel’s commendable but costly military tactic of "Make War As Make Nice." Has a nation ever conducted a war like the one Israel waged against Hezbollah? Did we hear announcements anywhere remotely near “We will destroy you to the last man”? No, instead we heard niceties like: "All cars and of any type will be shelled if seen moving south of the Litani River because it will be considered a suspect of transferring rockets, military ammunitions and those causing destruction.” Now, Hassan Nasrallah has emerged from his bunker and declared, amid the dead and rubble of his own country, of all things, victory.

In this week’s free issue, NewsLaugh.com, The Sanely Funny Weekly Humor Magazine, reports on Israel’s commendable but costly military tactic of "Make War As Make Nice."

Has a nation every conducted a war like the one Israel waged against Hezbollah? Instead of the usual “war is hell,” it was more like an attempt to conduct war as make nice.

Now that a cease fire is in place, fragile as it may be, let's review the tactic and how it weathered the war.

Did we hear announcements from Israel anywhere remotely near “We will destroy you to the last man”?

No, instead we heard niceties like:

"… terrorist elements ... are using you as human shields by launching rockets toward the state of Israel from your homes."

"All cars and vehicles of any type will be shelled if seen moving south of the Litani River because they will be considered suspect of transferring rockets, military ammunitions and those causing destruction.”

“You need to know that anyone moving in any type of car will put their life in danger."

Leaflets have warned of a "painful and strong" response to attacks by Hezbollah and warned the residents of three suburbs in the south of Lebanon to evacuate.

And, to make nice even more, Israel granted the Red Cross "freedom of movement" for its convoys, which have been providing aid to people in Lebanon.

Unfortunately, one of the collateral complications of Israel’s careful approach is the steady publicity of buildings blown up and civilians killed, instead of the usual major attack and, hopefully, a swift end of the conflict.

The effort was sort of like a dentist attempting to pull a tooth with his fingers, instead of using forceps. So he pulls a little here and there, and every time the patient winces, he stops, until he and the patient give up, and the tooth is still stuck right where it was. Only it hurts even more than it did before all the effort.

For instance, Hassan Nasrallah emerged from his bunker and declared, amid the dead and rubble of his own country, of all things, victory.

This humorous but pointed story is only one of the many ways readers can discover “Sanity Through Laughter” by going to NewsLaugh.com, created by humorist Tom Attea, which claims, “You can’t change the news but you can laugh at it.”

Other sanely funny features in this week’s free issue include:

  • Foiled Again! The Attack Of The Citizen Killers

  • Oil Update From BP: A Bear Ate The Pipeline
  • PBS Fires Cinderella; Calls Display Of Bare Foot Scandalous
  • Joe Lieberman Loses Democratic Primary; Republicans Celebrate

  • New Survey: Americans Not As Polarized As Politicians And Newscasters

Readers can also laugh out loud at NewsLaugh's weekly fictional spoof. This week the magazine presents "Al-Qaeda In Hell, Or Allah's Surprising Ingratitude," in which suicide bombers, to their pain and dismay, find themselves, not in the heaven of their misguided hopes, but in the hell of their unexpected destiny, to which Allah and Mohammed have both sent them. Their punishment for eternity is to take eight flights a day on which they must blow themselves up, and their only consolation is that someday the maniac who misled them into thinking Allah would welcome them to heaven for their murderous behavior, Osama Bin Laden, will be condemned to join them in their painfully blistered destiny.

Readers may also subscribe to NewLaugh's free weekly newsletter for exclusive laughs and offers.

Each week, NewsLaugh.com presents humorous weekly articles under such headings as Sanely Funny Cover Story, Dreadline of the Week, Shreditorial, Washington Spin Din, Clever Monkey of the Week, and a Spoof of the Week.

About Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com:

Mr. Attea has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his comedy writing, “delightfully funny,” “witty,” with “great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs.”

He was awarded a grant as a playwright by New York’s Theater For The New City and co-wrote the first feature film Showtime produced.

He has extensive experience in news media. He wrote the recent campaign for The New York Sun, New York’s new broadsheet newspaper, “Illuminate Your World,” the classic campaign for Time Magazine, “There’s never been a greater need for understanding,” and the long-running theme for The Village Voice, “In this city, you need a Voice.” In broadcast media, he wrote the advertising that successfully introduced Lifetime television, “There’s nothing like a woman’s Lifetime,” and oversaw all the advertising for WABC TV and radio in New York.

The complete issue is available at http://www.newslaugh.com

For more information, email haha @ newslaugh.com

Tom Attea

Creator & Writer

Newslaugh.Com

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Telephone: 212-769-4545

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