NewsLaugh Exclusive! The American Umpire: Conducting the American Empire in a Way That's as Fair as the Calls in Yankee Stadium

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In this week’s free issue, NewsLaugh.com, The Sanely Funny Weekly Humor Magazine, recommends how today’s America, saddled with the burdens of inadvertent empire, could conduct itself so Americans are happy about how we’re doing and the rest of the world might actually either approve or have a hard time disapproving of our behavior. We behave as if we’re the American Umpire, that is, we call the balls and strikes in the global games based on the principle we’ve all grown up with, can understand, and most of the world even admires: fair play. And, being the ump, we expect the players to respond with good sportsmanship, no matter which way the calls go.

In this week’s free issue, NewsLaugh.com, The Sanely Funny Weekly Humor Magazine, recommends how today’s America, saddled with the burdens of inadvertent empire, could conduct itself so Americans are happy about how we’re doing and the rest of the world might actually either approve or have a hard time disapproving of our behavior.

We behave as if we’re the American Umpire, that is, we call the balls and strikes in the global games based on the principle we’ve all grown up with, can understand, and most of the world even admires: fair play.

And, being the ump, we expect the players to respond with good sportsmanship, no matter which way the calls go.

Needless to say, part of this easily understandable and highly commendable modus operandi requires us to call the balls and strikes fairly on ourselves, too, even when Uncle Sam strikes out.

Of course, you can advance more intellectual principles by which we should conduct ourselves as the world’s super-duper power. But we dare you come up with one that is more consonant with the American character.

And do not underestimate this admittedly moronic principle. Remember the saying, whether or not Wellington actually coined it, “Napoleon was defeated on the playing fields of Eton.”

So let’s hear the American Umpire call, “Let’s play ball!”

It would be especially winning to see the President throw out the first ball.

Other sanely funny features in this week’s free issue include:

  • Senate Approves New Legislation Aimed At Interrogating Itself
  • The Invention Of Water; Part Three Of The Invention Of Everything, An Eyewitness Account – It’s our Spoof of the Week!
  • Woodward Publishes New Exposé: Names Secret Source “Deep Tragedy”
  • Wind Power Gets Big Boost: Politicians Agree To Direct Speeches At Turbines

Readers may also subscribe to NewLaugh's free weekly newsletter for exclusive laughs and offers.

Each week, NewsLaugh.com presents humorous weekly articles under such headings as Sanely Funny Cover Story, Dreadline of the Week, Shreditorial, Washington Spin Din, Clever Monkey of the Week, and a Spoof of the Week.

About Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com:

Mr. Attea has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his comedy writing, "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."

He was awarded a grant as a playwright by New York’s Theater For The New City and co-wrote the first feature film Showtime produced.

He has extensive experience in news media. He wrote the recent campaign for The New York Sun, New York’s new broadsheet newspaper, "Illuminate Your World," the classic campaign for Time Magazine, "There’s never been a greater need for understanding," and the long-running theme for The Village Voice, "In this city, you need a Voice." In broadcast media, he wrote the advertising that successfully introduced Lifetime television, "There’s nothing like a woman’s Lifetime," and oversaw all the advertising for WABC TV and radio in New York.

The complete issue is available at http://www.newslaugh.com

For more information, email haha @ newslaugh.com

Tom Attea

Creator & Writer

Newslaugh.Com

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Telephone: 212-769-4545

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