Sedona, AZ (PRWEB) September 20, 2007
Hale Dwoskin, founder of The Sedona Method and a featured teacher in the #1 blockbuster bestselling book and movie, "The Secret," has the most sensible advice on what to do if others' controlling behaviors control you.
Do the weeks fly by with every spare second spent doing something for others? Do the kids, spouse, your parents, the boss and coworkers mean everything, to the point that you are sacrificing one's own dreams and personal time to please them?
If so, one's life appears to be controlled by others.
Controlling behavior exists on a wide spectrum. At the most extreme, controlling mannerisms - such as not allowing you to talk to friends and family - can be outright abuse. The type we're referring to here, though, is the controller who means well, yet very gradually sucks the very life right out of an individual.
In this context, the "controller" could be a mother, a spouse, the boss, or even a child (assuming one always give in to their whimsies).
If someone is being controlled by others, they very well may feel like they have no life of their own to speak of.
How Are Others Controlling?
Often, the person being controlled in a controlling relationship may not even realize that it's happening. It's very easy to get caught up in a routine that's all about someone else, and before knowing it they are no longer living their own life.
Here are some top things that controlling people may do to get someone to do what they want:
- Act like they are a victim, and they must be saved
- Threaten to withdraw love or support if something isn't done for them
- Tell someone they have done everything for them, and now it's their turn to take care of them
(essentially guilting a person into it)
- Make up an illness (mental or physical) to get attention
- Say they "forgot" to do something so someone else does it for them
- Act too stressed or anxious to complete something, so someone else does it
- Offer a reward for doing what they want
- Act helpless or incompetent
- Threaten self-destruction if a person doesn't step in
- Say that you're essential to their life
If a person recognizes a few of these signs in one of their relationships, they likely also recognize the signs of being controlled, which include:
- Often giving up one's own plans for others
- The feeling as though it is the other person is owed something
- Rarely making important decisions without consulting this person first
- Changed one's opinions about something to please someone
- Every second of one's free time is taken up fulfilling the needs of others (and never the needs
- Feeling guilty if doing something that someone doesn't
- Constantly feeling a need for approval
- Exhibiting signs of having a codependent personality
Regain Control of One's Life
The KEY thing to remember if one wants to live THEIR own life, and not worry about pleasing everyone to do it, is recognizing one cannot change the actions of others; a person can only change their own.
This means that a controlling mother, boss or spouse will very likely continue to exhibit controlling behaviors. But that does not mean that a person has to respond to them.
"It's up to YOU to make the decision right now to no longer give in to the wants of others, and instead to please yourself. All value comes from within," says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.
To find your inner confidence and value, check out The Sedona Method. With just three simple questions, The Method shows a person how to let go of the self-sabotaging feelings, such as guilt, fear of abandonment and low self-esteem, that is allowing them to be controlled by others.
Dwoskin continues, "As you let go of wanting to be controlled by others, you'll find yourself acting more independently and with more confidence. You will also take charge of your own life and live in greater harmony with those around you."
Right now everyone can get the free Insiders Guide to The Sedona Method email course sampler by inputting just their name and email in the sidebar on the right at http://www.sedona.com/html/lp-control
For more insights on the topic of being controlled, Hale Dwoskin, New York Times Best-Selling author of The Sedona Method, featured expert in the film and New York Times bestseller "The Secret," and CEO and Director of Training of Sedona Training Associates, is available for interviews. Sedona Training Associates is an organization that teaches courses based on the emotional releasing techniques originated by Hale Dwoskin's mentor, Lester Levenson. Dwoskin is an international speaker and featured faculty member at Esalen and the Omega Institute. For over a quarter century, he has regularly been teaching The Sedona Method techniques to individuals and corporations throughout the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom. Visit http://www.Sedona.com