Please don't think things will improve by themselves. Thinking that you can just do or say something different so you won't lose your temper 'next time' just doesn't work.
Sydney, Australia (PRWEB) December 4, 2007
"Just leave him" has been standard advice to women in violent and abusive relationships for too long says Kim Cooper, Author of 'Back from the Looking Glass - Living with the personality disorder that causes emotional and domestic abuse.'
Kim and her husband Steve's 13 step guide was published online in October 2007 and they also run a popular blog site and are hosts of a bi-weekly online radio show called 'The Love Safety Net' which listeners receive by subscription. They have healed their troubled marriage and now work to help others do the same.
Kim and Steve advise that there are a lot of reasons to work things out rather than leave ...
"If a couple don't reconcile their differences the problems tend to move on to the next relationship. The children are then statistically more likely to be abused, with their lives becoming parent-relationship minefields. Victims also are often no safer from their partner once they are separated. There are cases of assault and murder by ex-partners every day. The police have just begun tracking domestic violence perpetrators in our state as they do pedophiles," says Kim "Because the law makers have had to face that the rate of re-offence is as bad."
There is also a terrible shortage of homes for abused women and children in the U.S., so leaving is not always an option.
"Somebody who isn't in a domestic violent relationship would never think of these issues. We experienced this ourselves and want to help couples who are still there." Says Steve, "We teach people how to recognise emotional abuse and what to do about it."
Steve, like many DV perpetrators, suffered from NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and warns that much of the information and advice about NPD online is highly discriminatory. "Sites say to leave people with NPD and have no contact or learn to be manipulative and abusive back and that there is no cure." Kim and Steve dispute these claims saying that a family that can come to understand why a person is behaving this way, backed by a strong support network in the community can help an adult with NPD grow through these problems which many professionals now consider a developmental gap rather than a true mental illness or disorder.
We have the families of some very high profile people contact us for advice and support because they are victims of emotional abuse. People who would never leave their partner but who need help. It is good that they feel they can contact us, because emotional abuse leads to domestic violence and is an early sign of it developing.
"The family of a person with NPD is the greatest asset a community has in healing domestic abuse. If they choose to stand by and help, they deserve respect and support," says Kim. Divorce should be the last option. There are much better options to try first. Kim warns however, "Please don't think things will improve by themselves. Thinking that you can just do or say something different so you won't lose your temper 'next time' just doesn't work."
To learn more about Kim and Steve's guide "Back from the Looking Glass - Living with the Personality Disorder that Causes Emotional and Domestic Abuse" please visit
Read Kim's treatise on Narcissism at
or read their free advice for police, ministers, clergy, doctors family and friends at
http://www.clergyanddomesticviolence.com , where you will find an authors page with more information on Kim and Steve and a media room with more press releases.