Many scholars say Jesus was gay. But gays are the only group left in America that it's still okay to hate. Even President-Elect Obama is a homophobe who thinks gays and lesbians don't deserve the same rights as straights. Gays helped get Obama elected but he still hates them along with Rick Warren.
Alamogordo, NM (PRWEB) January 14, 2009
Revision Studios, famous for the "Princess Diana Gay Bible" has launched Leviticus International, a new website which promises to help unhappy straights become gay. According to film producer Max Mitchell, creator of the site, "Jesus Christ has the power to end heterosexuals' misery and make them happy well-adjusted gays." Mitchell recently produced "Horror In The Wind," about two bio-geneticists who invent an airborne formula that reverses the whole world's sexual orientation.
Leviticus International says straights can be "born again gay" through prayer and Jesus Christ. Joseph "Bo" Kelly, of Las Vegas, NV, a former heterosexual, claims his compulsive attraction to women led him to two suicide attempts. "Now that I'm gay, suicide never crosses my mind. My partner, Todd, and I share so much more than I ever did with any of my four ex wives. I thank God for taking the sinful hetero disorder away."
How does it work? "I got on my knees and asked Jesus to release me from the spell cast by women." It took months and months of prayer until I started noticing guys' butts. Then I met Todd at church. The next thing I knew, it was Super Bowl. We were so excited by the game, let's just say there was dancing in the end zone. We moved out of the trailer into an Italian palazzo with topiary and an herb garden. I can't thank Rev. Karl enough. I'm living proof prayer really works."
Mary Bermanoff, of Dearborn, another ex straight, says she's never been so happy. "I truly am born again. Who knew Jesus could make me a happy lesbian? Twenty years with a man who smelled and never once emptied the recycle bin on the computer was more than I could take. My girlfriend, Janine, actually cooks and brings me coffee in bed. Hallelujah! I no longer have to be drunk to have sex."
Visitors to the Leviticus International website, at http://www.leviticusinternational.com, can watch video testimonials and email Jesus questions about becoming gay. According to Mitchell, Jesus does not have a spam folder and answers every question. Read testimonials from people who got lucky on the "Prayed And Got Laid" page. A sample of the revised Book of Leviticus is available at the website.
Leviticus International saves straights from "Hetero Hell," a place of misery where people pretend to believe in equality for all but are really trying to keep gays second class. Hetero Hell causes them to believe they are better than others even while living in single wides. According to Brother Richard, "Jesus will pluck you from Hetero Hell and gently toss you into Homo Heaven. Ask any convert. Ask the youth groups we host. Ask the elderly who got out just in time. Hetero Hell is its own punishment complete with spousal abuse and spoiled children. Don't let it happen to you. Ask God to put you in Homo Heaven. Email Jesus at firstname.lastname@example.org."
Mitchell claims "Many scholars say Jesus was gay. But gays are the only group left in America that it's still okay to hate. Even President-Elect Obama is a homophobe who thinks gays and lesbians don't deserve the same rights as straights. Gays helped get Obama elected but he still hates them along with Rick Warren."
Rev. Karl Krutchner, pastor at the Trailer of God in New Orleans, says that Leviticus has a very high success rate. "I can't take credit for it. It's the power of Jesus, not me. In the Princess Diana Bible it says it's an abomination for a man to lay with a woman. That's my ministry. Saving people from this sinful lifestyle. You should see their faces when they find gay love. You can see God in the eyes." Samples of the new Princess Diana Bible are available at http://www.princessdianabible.com.
"Horror In The Wind" is available on DVD at http://www.horrorinthewind.com. "Frightfully funny," says movie critic Patrick Ivers and "very entertaining ... clever," says IQ critic Jeff Berg.
Contact: Dick Weber 575-682-3240