One purpose of this book is to get men talking to other men and hashing this stuff out. Men tend to be afraid and distrustful of each other; it's all competitive and tied up with ego. But in this group, we taught each other about speaking from our hearts, which increases intimacy, and learning how to ask for what we need.
San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) March 11, 2009
California entrepreneur and lecturer on men's issues Ken Solin has written a revealing new book, 'The Key to the Men's Room: What Men Talk About When Women Aren't Around' (http://www.thekeytothemensroom.com), that shares the highlights of his intense men's group that successfully worked through male problems twice a month over a 16-year period. The group of eight men learned from one another how to speak from their hearts (rather than just from their heads), how to successfully deal with lingering childhood wounds and how to understand and improve their relationships with their spouses or girlfriends, parents and children as well as other men.
'The Key to the Men's Room' (http://www.thekeytothemensroom.com) allows women to eavesdrop on these intense discussions, confrontations and revelations. At the end of each chapter, psychologist Dr. Amy Bandera advises women on how to understand and adjust to the changes members of men's groups undergo, so as to enhance their relationships with men.
Although there were some cast changes over the 16 years, all the men who remained in the group through 2008 experienced new awareness, growth, happiness and improved relationships with the key people in their lives. The major issues they dealt with were wide-ranging, including: childhood wounds, sex and sexuality, aging, dating, marriage, divorce, male friendships, trust, setting boundaries, anger, vulnerability, misogyny, lone-wolf behavior, dealing with emotional pain and loss and realizing that self-worth should not be defined by a man's financial net worth.
John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, declares, "'The Key to the Men's Room' is lean, authentic and gritty. It provides a rare and enlightening view of men without their masks."
Josie Brown, managing editor of Singlemindedwomen.com, calls it "an enlightened, insightful, must-read book that tells women what men are thinking and why."
Kirkus Discoveries Reviews writes: "Author Ken Solin explores and highlights ways women can improve their relationships with men, by providing an intriguing look into gender roles and male identity."
Solin believes that this is the first book written for women about men's groups. "It is primarily about developing the skills for resolving relationship problems," he explains. "One of the main things we learned was that men repress their pain and don't deal with it, so it frequently pops up as anger and mistrust of women. Seven of the eight of us experienced mistreatment by our parents, ranging from benign neglect to violence--and suffered ongoing pain and the resulting anger for up to 40 years. That anger negatively impacted our relationships with women until we learned how to deal with it properly."
"One purpose of this book is to get men talking to other men and hashing this stuff out. Men tend to be afraid and distrustful of each other; it's all competitive and tied up with ego. But in this group, we taught each other about speaking from our hearts, which increases intimacy, and learning how to ask for what we need."
"When a woman starts with a new guy, she may not realize that he carries with him the unresolved baggage accumulated from all his previous relationships--which then becomes her problem. Women are appropriately growing tired of the emotional inequality in relationships. They say 'I feel,' but men respond with 'I think.' Men need to get more in touch with what they feel so they can express in a manner women can understand what they need from their partners. This book illustrates how women can learn to create a safe space so that men feel they can open up."
"Participating in a men's group doesn't cost anything; it requires no leader or facilitator and it's not therapy. Compared to therapy, it offers men a greater opportunity to successfully resolve their male issues and become better people."
About Authors Ken Solin and Dr. Amy Bandera:
Ken Solin earned a B.A. in History from Fairleigh Dickinson University and spent a year studying economics at City of London College in England. He spent four years as the women's bathing suit buyer for Macy's in New York City. He was a partner at Unicom Computer Corp., financing large IBM systems for Fortune 1000 firms for another four years. Then, in 1979 he and a partner formed Bridgeway Capital Corp., which provided $500 million in growth capital for international high-tech companies and California wineries. He has discussed men's issues and appeared on TV and radio programs.
Psychologist and author DR. Amy Bandera holds a Doctor of Psychology degree from California Institute of Integral Studies and has worked as a therapist and group leader since 1998. She maintains a clinical and forensic consultation and teaching practice.
'The Key to the Men's Room'
202-page paperback: $14.95; Dell Lane Press
ISBN-10: 978-061-5220797; ISBN-13: 978-061-5220796
Available at amazon.com, booksurge.com, http://www.thekeytothemensroom.com