A Non-Mom Prepares for Another Mother's Day

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New book, Silent Sorority, reveals the hidden toll of living in an era of designer babies and clinics marketing fertility for all. A barren woman reveals with humor and poignancy how she got busy, angry, lost and found while surrounded by helicopter parents and momzillas.

It's not the sugar coated 'how I got my baby' story you read in magazines.

In the weeks leading up to Mother's Day, a new book answers the questions: What awaits two people who want to be parents, as they move away from the fertility treatment/adoption/mommy-and-daddy track? How do the "mommy movement" and mom's clubs appear to someone who will never receive a membership kit? What's it like to be barren in 2009, and what does a "non-mom" wear when nothing quite fits?

Author Pamela M. Tsigdinos answers these questions and more with humor, poignancy, and grace in Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found (205 pp., tpb, $14.95). Her book addresses the challenges of being barren in the modern age and the often perverse effects it has on identity, relationships, and planning a life.

"This is not one of those dry medical tomes, maudlin memoirs or overly cheerful self-help or how-to books. It's often funny, sometimes sad, occasionally biting or catty, but always honest," said Pamela Tsigdinos. "It's not the sugar coated 'how I got my baby' story you read in magazines." She first made her private story public in a New York Times profile, "Facing Life Without Children When It Isn't By Choice," in June 2008.

Silent Sorority takes readers into an archetypal Catholic upbringing in the Detroit suburbs that did little to prepare Pamela for the surreal world of advanced reproductive medicine offered at aggressive fertility clinics and leading research hospitals. When science and nature don't cooperate, she engages in the thorny business of restructuring her life as a "non-mom" in a society brimming with casual indifference about infertility, and in an era dominated by helicopter parents and mommy blogs. Ultimately, Pamela finds her voice - by turns angry, irreverent and hopeful - and fellowship in a boisterous online community. A nurturing sisterhood provides the foundation for a rebirth.

About Silent Sorority, psychologist Wendy L. Rogers, Ph.D., says, "Beyond science to the heart of the matter, Pamela refuses to be silent or invisible. She gives voice to deep sorrow, rage, hope, and love. She embarks on a journey of healing and discovery of a life beyond 'Mom'. Her raw honesty and humor light the path for the millions who have trouble conceiving and those who don't know what to make of their infertile sisters."

Readers of Pamela's blog,Coming2Terms, describe her naked honesty as "giving much comfort, along with quite a few laughs, during hard times" and her blog a place "to hang my hat, pull out the stool and cry my heart out with others who knew what my pain was like," and "to understand more about what [my friend] has been going through."

Silent Sorority is available on Amazon.com. Pamela earned a B.A. in English Literature at the University of Michigan and an M.A. in Organizational Communication at Wayne State University in Detroit. She now lives and works in Silicon Valley. In addition to her own blog, she contributes to BlogHer and Fertility Authority, and is a columnist for Exhale. Her international readership includes: those pursuing fertility treatment; those who became mothers after treatment or adoption; those, like her, building lives without once sought after children; and those who conceived easily but know someone who couldn't. For more information on infertility, visit RESOLVE.
ISBN 1-4392-3156-7


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