"Orpheus in Tampa," the First of a New Genre - the Romantic Thriller; a New Release of Avant Garde Press

Share Article

An 18-year-old Barack Obama who works as a mailman in Tampa has an adventure that rivals any in Dumas. Avant Garde Press.

Avant Garde Press hopes to counteract a disturbing trend by releasing "Orpheus in Tampa." The novel is now written almost exclusively for women and children. Consider the current Bestseller List. D H Laurence said that the novel is the Book of Life. It appeals to our common humanity. There is no such thing as a woman's novel. "Orpheus" is an Alexandre Dumas adventure and a romance with an erotic theme - Goethe's Ewige Weiblichkeit (the eternal feminine). This may be hard to believe, but it's also a 21st Century thriller. Is it as funny as "Hip Hop Murders"? If "HHM" is Moet, "Orpheus" is Dom Perignon. "HHM" is the best comedic writing in English since Shakespeare. Humour is present in "Orpheus," but is not an outstanding feature. "HHM" is for the cognitive elite but "Orpheus" is for everyone. "Orpheus" will join "HHM" as a tag team in a" fight to the death" smackdown with zombie fiction -- Dan Brown, Janet Evonovitch, James Patterson, Steven King -- the entire cast of the Dawn of the Living Dead.

Before smackdowns, it is customary to allow wrestlers to say what they intend to do to the other wrestler in the match. AGP now hands the mic to Stahl, who has a few unkind words to say about his opponent.

"I'm on a mission from God to eradicate zombie fiction. I can't believe anyone will read a Step on a Cat or Sloppy Seconds after reading my work. But I disagree that 'HHM' is for literati only. You just have to pay attention. You can't listen to Korn while you're reading. No one has told the truth about zombie fiction. The critics glamorize it. When I get through with it, peeps will laugh at it. Why? Because it's a lie. Do you like to be lied to? Of course you don't. Take dog books. There's a bestseller out now that features a golden retriever that helps its owner win car races. Dogs can't talk. It's a lie. This book satisfies a psychic need in people who want their dogs to love them more or who want to talk to their dogs. Don't you think it would be better for people to deal with the truth -- that they will never be able to talk to their dogs and maybe they should look for love somewhere else?

"Hate books. No one has explained that Dan Brown's books are niche books that appeal to groups that hate or fear other groups. His latest appeals to people who hate or fear Masons. I doubt that many actually believe that Masons tear other Mason's tongues out for divulging Masonic secrets. They just like hearing someone trash the Masons because they resent them. In case you don't know who they are, they are the guys who sponsor the children's hospitals. They are really great guys. 'The Da Vinci Code.' Again, a hate book. There are a billion Catholics, which means that millions will resent them. Brown doesn't believe in Wicca. He appeals to Wiccas by presenting their belief system as an alternative to Catholicism, a criminal enterprise that has tried for 2,000 years to assassinate the descendants of Jesus. Why? To prevent the world from learning that Jesus lied about being celibate. The Zombie Media could have explained that geneology records don't go back 2,000 years, not even 1,000 years. Brown claims that the Holy Grail was not a chalice, but Mary Magdalene's pudendum -- shaped like a chalice, get it? The media could have explained to Zombie Nation that The Holy Grail is the arbitrary description of a historical tradition which has always been used to mean one thing. Brown might as well say that an inch has always secretly meant a mile. Brown is misleading and confusing people. I am outraged by his appeal to zombies that don't appreciate fine art. He assures them that fine art is bogus. E.g., The Virgin of the Rocks. The Nuns who commissioned it were horrified when they saw it. The Virgin's hand was a claw. This lie reinforced zombies in their belief that fine art was bogus. Brown knew that happy zombies would not download the painting. Dan Brown is the lowest form of life on earth.

"Vampire books. They have been dominating the bestseller list for two years. They are sicko niche books that appeal to girls who want to become vampires so they can be 17 forever. Of course it's a lie. Is this a good thing? Is it a wholesome substitute for religious belief? Why can't we face the fact that it's an abomination, it's idiotic and they should be discouraged with ridicule? Why can't we see it as deserving of ridicule? Vampires are appropriate for Halloween, for children, but 17-year-old vampire wannabes should be regarded as special. Maybe we shouldn't ridicule them. Maybe they are special.

"I've saved the best for last. The Shack. It wins the award for most nauseating zombie inspirational/devotional. Here we see the beginning of a zombie religion. Hegel would call it a 'world - historical event.' It features a Second Coming, but it's not Jesus who returns on a cloud of glory, it's Aunt Jamima. She appears in a shack. Where else would Aunt Jamima appear? She shows her stigmata, which begin bleeding, presumably to wash away the sins of the world. There is nothing these scumbags won't do for a dollar. What could be more contemptible than exploiting religion to sell a novel. This is Zombie lit. I hope I've wised everyone up to it. How is the Stahlvel different? It's not about you -- giving you the sick psychic rewards you crave: be it dog love,vampire love or revenge on peeps you don't like. It's about me. As an artist I give you what I have; I give you myself."

Avant Garde Press. http://www.hiphopmurders.com. Please find Orpheus there or on Kindle.

# # #

Share article on social media or email:

View article via:

Pdf Print

Contact Author

David Stahl
Visit website