Florida Job Seeker Solicits Google, Oprah, Simon Cowell, Nancy Grace, Dr. Phil and Gordon Ramsey to Help with Job Search

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Resume lampoons Google, TV celebrities and introduces prototype application to World's top search engine.

Mark Armstrong, a 17 year Publix Supermarket veteran has engaged a decidedly unique approach to his job search: “I retired from Publix a couple of years ago after a long and rewarding career and am intent on re-entering the work force with new vigor and creative thinking!” Like most modern job seekers, Armstrong spends much of his day perusing Career Builder, Monster, Craigslist, JUJU and others looking for jobs for which he qualifies.

“I’ve come a long way since I got my first job at the very first Publix in Coral Springs’ history.

During the early 1970’s I was a bag boy making $1.25 per hour – plus tips.” Armstrong is of course aware that today’s job market can be easily compared to finding a tiny, invisible needle in a mountainous haystack.

"The competition is irrefutably fierce and it’s important to think outside the box when hitting the job seeking pavement, “ says Armstrong, who has been both a restaurant manager and meat manager for most of his career.

To help him create a novel approach to his search he contacted his friend Mike Kirner of Boynton Beach, Fl. As a Marketing and Creative Director for many years, Kirner has always believed in exploring inventive ideas. Kirner says: " I am a huge fan of the creative product produced by two ad agencies: Crispin, Porter Bogusky and Butler, Shine and Stern . I get inspired by their work because its simply stupendously original and fun. I know I’m nowhere even close to their league, but hey ....maybe some day!”

According to Kirner: “It was difficult getting interviews before this nation’s financial Institutions, car manufacturers and other businesses sank into the dark abyss from which only the strongest and smartest will re-emerge. You have to really force yourself to re-think your entire approach and implement new tactics to stand out in the crowd.”

Kirner is the inventor of what is called the “Google Satire Resume” a version of which he has used to get his foot in the door with several companies over the years.

“Back in 2007, this resume idea actually got me a telephone interview with Google headquarters in Mountain View, CA. “ I was so delighted that the world’s most creative and forward thinking company would call me for an interview! I did not get the position I was applying for. I think they only hire MIT braniacs with 4.0 GPA averages - If I had only known that Back in the 80’s! On a good day, I had a 3.2576678999555 GPA.”

The basic idea behind the Google Satire Resume is an “imaginary Google search query” where an imaginary hiring manager is looking to fill a position and simply types the candidates search criteria into the familiar Google search box. For Armstrong’s resume, the search query terms are:

“The ideal manager for your business.” What follows are Google listings all of which showcase the many highlights of Armstrong’s career. Armstrong relates that, “It’s simply normal resume content, formatted to simulate an actual Google page.”

There are a few variations on the theme, however. On Armstrong’s resume, the right side of the Google page where one would normally see sponsored and paid advertising links, you see something you never see on the world’s best search engine. It’s a cast of famous celebrities: They include Dr. Phil, Oprah, Nancy Grace, Simon Cowell and chef Gordon Ramsey.

Each celebrity “recommends“ Armstrong with a tongue in cheeck or humorous sentence or two. The first one is Dr. Phil, who is quoted as saying, " Need a good manager? Consult with Dr. Phil." Another celebrity is outspoken Chef Gordon Ramsey. The fiery Englishman has gained international notoriety for both his skills as a successful restaurateur and his prodigious and eloquent use of the “F word” in virtually every other sentence. His photo is featured with his arms folded and dressed in a chef’s white uniform.

Underneath his photo Ramsey says: “If you want your operation to be #!!!#***@!!! successful you need a good #!!!#***!!! manager and problem solver. Smell the #!!^#***!!! coffee and give Armstrong the ##^!!#***!!! job already !"

Kirner insists that his concept could be a prototype that Google itself could use for a new application.

“Instead of the text only sponsor links, why not feature clickable images on the right side? Why not introduce a new Google service called “Google Job Search” where other job seekers pay a reasonable fee and their resume is available online just like the resume I produced for Mark Armstrong?”

Naturally, the question of legality comes into play. The use of Google and the various celebrities is obviously in violation of copyright and trademark law.

“This resume is sent out to three or four hiring managers a week. It is a tiny universe. This job seeking tool merely shows a creative propensity for solving two problems: How do you stick out with your resume and how do you get your foot in the door?,” says Kirner. “My idea is merely lampooning Google, having some fun and paying homage to my favorite celebrities. Saturday Night Live does this type of thing every week.”

If Google, Dr. Phil , Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsey want to gang up on me and file a complaint to stop me from doing this, I will surely understand, “ says Kirner. “Perhaps Oprah or Nancy Grace will ask me to be on their show? However, I will have to decline their invitation. I am very busy helping an old friend find a new job.”

Mark can be reached at markhenryarmstrong (at) gmail (dot) com


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