How to Say It® When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times
Oakton, VA (Vocus) September 14, 2010
About 10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Despite its frequency, women who have miscarried report that they’re frequently the target of callous and hurtful comments that dismiss or trivialize their loss. “It’s important to remember that a miscarriage is a death in the family and should be treated as such.” says Robbie Miller Kaplan, founder of the Comforting Words website.
Many people shy away from someone who has miscarried because they are afraid to say the wrong thing. A helpful publication by Comforting Words website founder Robbie Miller Kaplan, “How To Say It® When You Don’t Know What To Say: The Right Words For Difficult Times: Miscarriage (2010)” offers practical advice on how to comfort following a miscarriage with suggestions and lists of what to say and do along with sample letters.
Kaplan offers other positive actions that will play a pivotal role in helping individuals cope with loss and heal from miscarriage:
- Acknowledge the loss with a sympathy card or write a personal note that offers condolences.
- Bring a meal. Ask if there are any food restrictions, allergies, or dietary guidelines. Can’t find this information? Deliver a container of soup, a platter of sandwiches, or a vegetarian casserole. Note the ingredients, shelf life, and heating or freezing instructions.
- Be available to drive to physician, treatment, or professional appointments.
- That first obstetrical appointment is hard so it might be comforting to go along for the follow up visit and stop for coffee or lunch afterwards.
- Ask the parents if there is a way to help memorialize the baby. Would they like to do something in the baby’s memory, such as planting a tree together?
- If the couple has other children, offer to babysit. Parents with other children are often so busy with childcare that they don’t have time to grieve properly or reconnect after the loss with time to themselves.
About the Author
Robbie Miller Kaplan is an internationally recognized writer and speaker with an expertise in communications. She is the author of “How to Say It® When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times,” available in volumes on Illness & Death, Suicide, and Miscarriage and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Stillborn and Newborn Baby, Pet Loss, Divorce, and Caregiver Responsibilities. Her blog “Making a Difference” and website are http://wordsthatcomfort.com.