Divorced Parenting: Re-Focusing Back-to-School Jitters The Pro-Child Way

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For divorced parents of school age children, back-to-school events can be disastrous. The outcome of the school event is largely dependent on the parent's focus. Through her twice divorced experience, author Ellen Kellner offers these nurturing tips to divorced-parents who are facing back-to-school situations.

Back to School Night: The Pro-Child Way, Parenting with an Ex

Don't let your divorce get in the way of your child's schooling. Your child is counting on you.

For divorced parents of school age children, back-to-school events can be disastrous. The outcome of the school event is largely dependent on the parent's focus. In every divorced parenting situation, each parent is given the choice to focus on the ex or to focus on the child. By choosing to focus on the child, one parent can substantially effect the outcome of the event, resulting in a child's smile. It doesn't take the ex's agreement for one parent to display a positive inclusive attitude throughout the event. Through her twice divorced experience, author Ellen Kellner encourages parents to choose The Pro-Child Way® when faced with divorced-parenting situations.

Before starting the event, the parent should look at his or her child and smile. Smiling is a wonderful way for a parent to connect his or her thoughts to their heart. All parents wish to support their child through life's events, smiling reinforces this conviction, opening the possibility to bring that awareness into the divorced-parenting situation. In the space of that smile, the parent can then choose the way to proceed: down the path of the typical divorced-reaction or the Pro-Child response that nurtures their child's spirit.

Here are two common school related divorced-parenting situations.

Situation: Back-to-School Night

The Old Way: When a parent is divorced focused, he or she spends the entire school function glaring at the ex. The parent makes it abundantly clear to the ex, and to the child, that he/she is not pleased. The evening is spent avoiding the ex and demonstrating to all that they are divorced from the child's other parent. The child is stressed and hopes next time, the whole event can be skipped.

The Pro-Child Way®: When a parent is child focused they see back-to-school night as an opportunity to fully engage in their child's life and they welcome all others -- including the ex, significant others, and friends -- to join in the event. The child-focused parent makes sure that the other parent is introduced to the teacher, sees their child's desk and papers, and is aware of all sign-ups and upcoming events. The child is excited to show-off all of his or her accomplishments and friends to their supportive parents. The child leaves with a smile on his or her face, knowing that they are loved. Ellen Kellner asserts, "Don't let your divorce get in the way of your child's schooling. Your child is counting on you."

Situation: Parent/Teacher Conference

The Old Way: For a teacher, it is obvious when parents are divorce-focused at the parent/teacher conference. These parents may request different conference times or if conducted together, the parents create an atmosphere of tension, often requiring the teacher to make duplicate copies of reports. The parents often miss critical discussion points, leaving them unprepared to guide their child in school related matters.

The Pro-Child Way®: For a child-focused parent, the parent/teacher conference is an opportunity to get "team child" together on the same page. Realizing that the conference is a chance to not only learn about school issues but also a time to share concerns, a nurturing parent stays focused on the child. Pre-conference communications with the other parent assures that any questions, issues, or concerns will be jointly addressed to the teacher. At the conference, parents should stay focused on the teacher, listening and participating in the same conversation. If duplicate copies are needed, one parent should take the responsibility of making the necessary copies. "Have respect for your ex's comments, and work as a team with the teacher to resolve any issues." says Kellner. "At the end of the conference, than your child's teacher and your ex for a successful conference, inviting the teacher to call on either one of you if additional issues arise." Following the conference, parents should share appropriate information with their child, including how proud both parents are at some of highlights.

When parenting through divorced-parenting situations it often requires extra thought and effort, but by staying focused on the child, parents can create nurturing solutions that support their child. Kellner reminds parents that when it comes to school events, divorce has nothing to do with it, saying, "by being parents, you show your child that he or she is important, not the divorce."

About Ellen Kellner

Author, Ellen Kellner, is transforming children’s lives through her intuition, discernment, and experience. Her book, The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex focuses on mindful-divorced parenting. http://www.TheProChildWay.com

Ellen’s Pro-Child message and techniques have been seen in print, on the web, and heard on radio and discussed in personal and group workshop sessions. As an Expert with The National Association of Divorce for Women and Children and a contributor to Cutting Edge Law, she inspires other divorced parents and law professionals to nurture the child’s spirit through divorce. With the launch of her book, The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex, Ellen shares her Pro-Child tactics with parents who are looking for a conscientious method to divorced parenting. A graduate of The American University, Ellen continues to study, learn, and broaden her awareness about our greater spiritual existence and how that applies to all of our relationships; including the relationship with an ex and fostering what a child needs - love, patience, kindness, consistency, and consideration.

Contact: Ellen Kellner (717) 439-1285 Pennsylvania, Ellen(at)TheProChildWay(dot)com


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