Communication Expert Tells How Language Affects Intimacy

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The language people use in speaking to their partners and others about relationships can make a big difference in their ability to attract a mate and build a healthy bond, says David Cunningham, a communication expert and seminar leader for Landmark Education.

The language people use in speaking to their partners and others about relationships can make a big difference in their ability to attract a mate and build a healthy bond, says David Cunningham, a communication expert and seminar leader for Landmark Education.

Speaking the language of love is all about having conversations that nurture and build relationships, rather than tear them down, Cunningham says. He offers these tips for people to avoid inadvertently talking themselves out of love:

1.    Choose words wisely: People should pay attention to what they tell others about their love lives, Cunningham says. Bemoaning the scarcity of good mates, swapping war stories about bad dates or sharing embarrassing or personal details of dates is counterproductive. ”If you're constantly complaining about your prospects and the people you do meet, you’ll probably continue to have bad luck and bad dates to complain about.”

2.    Avoid negative talk: Listening to negative comments from others about relationships can harm prospects for forming good relationships. “The conversational waters you swim in will color your views,” Cunningham says.

3.    Focus on your commitment: “Talk about what you want, instead of complaining about what you don’t have and why you’re not getting it,” Cunningham says. “For example, acknowledge there are great people out there, and discuss how to find them. Then start taking actions consistent with that.”

The same principles apply to people already in relationships, Cunningham says.

“Be sure your words reflect your commitment to stay connected and in love,” he says. “If you're constantly complaining about your partner, you’ll be watching for what’s wrong with him or her, what’s wrong with your relationship, and missing the good stuff. Instead, speak about your partner in a way that reflects what you’re really committed to. Do you want a really intimate relationship? Do you want to share adventures and create a closer bond? Then have your conversations reflect that.”

David Cunningham is a communication expert and seminar leader for Landmark Education, a personal and professional growth, training and development company that's had more than 1.2 million people use its programs to cause breakthroughs in their personal lives as well as in their communities, generating more than 100,000 community projects around the world. In The Landmark Forum, Landmark’s flagship program, people cause breakthroughs in their performance, communication, relationships and overall satisfaction in life. For more information, please visit http://www.landmarkeducation.com.

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