Young Adults Have Sex Before First Date

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Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD author of the NY Times Reader's Choice Award for Best Dating Book 2010 Make Up Don't Break Up expresses concern over the trend that young singles are dating less and hooking up more for sex before they even go on a first date. "This trend results in women lowering standards, and singles are not learning how to get a relationship started. When they are ready for a committment they will be unprepared for keeping a relationship going."

Responding to a recent USA Today article titled “Is Dating Dead?” ( Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of NY Times Reader’s Choice Award for Best Dating Book 2010 Make Up Don’t Break Up expresses concern over the trend outlined in the article that young singles are dating less and hooking up more for sex before they even go on one date. “There is no getting around the reality that emotional attachments are developed in sexual relationships. In my book Make Up Don’t Break Up I take a sensible and emotionally safe approach to teaching couples how to nurture friendships, and communicate feelings—which gives clarity and eliminates conflicting expectations. However, with this trend of college students hooking up without dating first, women are not only lowering their standards for what they might want or need from a relationship, they don’t even know the person well enough to determine whether they might want him to stick around.”

In Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying in Love, Dr. Bonnie teaches skills for nurturing and growing lasting relationships. “The lack of dating before sex tells me that young adults are sleeping with virtual strangers, which is alarming. And, this casual hook up trend will not help people understand how to get a relationship started,” says Dr. Bonnie.

Whether the trend comes from the various opinions that young adults are not interested in commitment (after all many of their parents divorced), have more access to online porn, are too busy working and going to school to date, or want to delay relationships, the research is clear that dating patterns are changing, and confusion abounds. Even the word “hookup” means different things to different people. For some hooking up means casually hanging out. For others hooking up means having a sexual encounter. “I hope that young adults reach a consensus that undefined relationships and casual encounters are not satisfying in the long run, and the ambiguity can cause more loneliness and heartache,” warns Dr. Bonnie who adds that these students will not be prepared to fall in love and stay in love, nor will they have developed important relationship skills when they are ready for committed relationships.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary "Infidelity" and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at

For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356

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