"Love me the Way That I Am" Is not an Excuse

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It seems the "normal" size of a person is a 120lb as it appears on TV, magazines etc. People tend to forget that curvy is a size as well, and a beautiful size. The true person is on the inside regardless of the outside appearance. Statistically relationships are happier when the wife is skinny.

A recent study in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science found that marriages are happier when the wife is the thinner party. (http://bit.ly/qVOtvO) In spite of humanity's quest to be "loved just as we are," the facts remain that attraction plays a role in a healthy relationship and because men tend to be more visual, the pressure for attractiveness often falls on the wife.

And this pressure isn't necessarily a bad thing, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. "A relationship is like a company, and when you're a shareholder in that company, you want to make sure the other shareholders happy in order to do successful business." Dr. Bonnie's contention is that the "love me the way I am" ideal can be used as an excuse for one half of the couple to not take the other person's needs and expectations into account.

"When a man falls in love with someone who's 120 pounds, and after a few years they're 140 or 150, that begins to negatively affect levels of attraction and likely the couple's sex life," explains Dr. Bonnie. She continues: "There's a certain amount of selfishness that comes with saying 'love me the way that I am,' because that person is being flippant about what the other person needs to help create attraction and chemistry."

If this type of selfishness exists in a relationship, men typically do become ashamed or embarrassed of feeling this way about their wife and so they don't press or address the issue. In the long run, though, Dr. Bonnie has noticed this backfiring: "This is when men start looking at other women and, if it goes unchecked long enough, can lead to an affair."

In addition to taking stock of the levels of attraction given any changes in the relationship, it's also important to go on what Dr. Bonnie calls "sex dates" once a week - this is an opportunity to bring sexiness back to a relationship. "It's perfectly natural for life - kids, jobs, weight gain, busy schedules - to take a toll on a relationship but when you make a point of going out, dressing up, spending time together and deepening an attraction for one another the couple is creating an important bond."

This bond will likely help the person struggling with their weight and become an incentive to try something new - which can be as simple as changing out of those yoga pants! - as well as help the other partner feel more connected to their spouse.

Text ADULTERY to 82257 to find out from Dr Bonnie if adultery may be looming in your relationship!

Interested in a few dating tips from internationally acclaimed relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil?

Text DATINGTIPS to 82257 to receive Tips and Updates from Dr. Bonnie!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.

Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don't Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.


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