(PRWEB) November 23, 2011
An article in the New York Times (http://nyti.ms/s8UUPk) references marriage expert and pastor Gary Chapman's secret to a successful marriage: a growing marriage. What keeps this growth alive is for each person in a relationship to love their partner the way their partner wants to be loved, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. This skill is a great gift to give for the holidays!
When couples fall in love, the hormones do the work in the early stage of a relationship but after the initial spark staying in love is not natural or comfortable - there's nothing natural about loving your partner the way they need to be loved. It takes skill, training and experience to learn to love one another correctly. "Because opposites attract," says Dr. Bonnie, "one partner often needs something completely different from what the other partner needs. The danger comes when these needs aren't communicated or pursued." In that situation, it's easy for a person to think their partner needs the same things they do. The ultimate show of love is stretching - sacrificing what you normally would not sacrifice, or doing what you normally wouldn't do, for the other person. Identify what your partners needs are and do better to meet them.
"Think about holiday gifts," invites Dr. Bonnie. "How often have you picked up something you liked and given it to a friend or loved one?" Needs in a relationship are similar. As Chapman said in the article: "What you give is often what you crave." Dr. Bonnie says it's important to remember what your partner craves is often not what you crave - we typically give what we crave out of a relationship but it's important to learn what each partner needs. That's how partners can love each other the way they need to be loved.
Spouses need to be careful that they have identified what those needs are, and that each person is doing their best to meet them. Dr Bonnie admits this can be a challenge! "But that's why people pick someone that stretches them to the limit - conflicts can be used for growth and passion which is necessary for novelty and excitement; differences can be used to express love." To find these differences in the desired expression of love - and to make sure each person is having their needs met - Dr. Bonnie recommends each person makes a list of how they think their partner needs to be loved, and then review it with one anther.
Love is so healing and magical. What better time to show gratitude in a relationship than during this time of year, and love your partner the way they need to be loved. Be thankful for what you have, not what you don't have. Dr. Bonnie suggests doing a grateful exercise - "give thanks for what your partner IS doing, not what your partner is not doing," she says.
Remember to hold your dear ones dear because love is a journey, and the fires need to be stoked so the fires don't go out.
Text ADULTERY to 82257 to find out from Dr Bonnie if adultery may be looming in your relationship!
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Adultery the Forgivable Sin is being re-released under a new distributor and making its appearance available in eBook format and via print on demand, Nov 18 2011. Available on Amazon (available on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019076&sr=8-1)
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don't Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.