People who are married to someone who doesn't love the holiday season as much as they do should use humor, not confrontation, when asking for involvement in festivities.
New York, NY (PRWEB) November 25, 2011
Bah humbug! This time of year isn't festive for everyone and it can be difficult for people who aren't particularly festive. It's also difficult for anyone married to these holiday Scrooges! Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggests a few techniques for getting a Scrooge to replace "bah humbug" with "happy holidays!"
First of all, she says, don't pressure or guilt the person into being involved in the holidays in a way they're not comfortable with. "The more control the person has over their level of involvement in the holidays, the better off everyone else is as well," encourages Dr. Bonnie. Always ask the reticent party what they'd like their level of involvement to be, and don't make them feel bad if they'd prefer not to do things like trim the tree or put up holiday lights. This is a component of what Dr. bonnie calls Smart Hear Skills and Dialogue - giving each person a chance to be honest about what they want, and to be heard. "Be ready and willing to get outside help doing these things," advises Dr. Bonnie, "and make it clear to the other person that this scenario is ok."
Secondly, it's natural to want some level of holiday cheer and participation from a loved one, so Dr. Bonnie encourages partners to ask their Scrooge to enjoy the holiday on their behalf. "People who are married to someone who doesn't love the holiday season as much as they do should use humor, not confrontation, when asking for involvement in festivities."
A third tactic Dr. Bonnie suggests that helps both people, is to lower expectations. "If one partner is not expecting the other to accompany them to every party, to listen to holiday tunes on repeat, to watch every Christmas movie marathon on TV, it's harder to be disappointed," cautions Dr. Bonnie. Be realistic about what to expect, and whatever help of involvement they offer will be a bonus.
And finally, introduce some nostalgic holiday cheer. Make the person's favorite childhood holiday recipe and surprise them. Reminisce about previous holiday experiences shared together. Listen to some romantic holiday music. (Baby boomers - remember submarine race watching with Johnny Mathis?!) Dr. Bonnie reminds people: "Don't overdo it, but don't be afraid to bring in a little cheer as the mood allows!"
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don't Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
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