So Sex is Not the Glue Generosity is for a Successful Marriage?

A recent blog post in the New York Times cites research that shows generosity is better than sex when it comes to keeping a successful marriage in tact (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/08/is-generosity-better-than-sex/). Researchers from the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project studied marriages of over 2,800 men and woman. Results showed that men and women with the highest scores on the generosity scale reported a "very happy" marriage. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggests a couple different things people can do to perpetuate this ideal of forgiveness in their own lives.

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(PRWEB) December 15, 2011

A recent blog post in the New York Times cites research that shows generosity is better than sex when it comes to keeping a successful marriage in tact (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/08/is-generosity-better-than-sex/). Researchers from the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project studied marriages of over 2,800 men and woman. Results showed that men and women with the highest scores on the generosity scale reported a "very happy" marriage. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggests a couple different things people can do to perpetuate this ideal of forgiveness in their own lives.

First, forgiveness is a form of generosity and can be a gift couples give to eachother - or to themselves. "To give is better than to receive," reminds Dr. Bonnie and at a time of year when it can be easy to take stress out on a loved one, she encourages couples to forgive one another more readily to help create a more harmonious holiday environment. Forgiveness can also be the gift one gives oneself, points out Dr. Bonnie, whether the person is forgiving themselves or their loved one. "Many people are harboring guilt and anxiety over things they can't control - the best fix for that is for the person to forgive themselves and release that stress." Additionally, forgiving a spouse can bring relief as well - harboring animosity toward someone is exhausting, warns Dr. Bonnie!

Another important aspect of generosity emerges when couples have kids. It's important for parents to build a culture of generosity. Dr. Bonnie suggests couples - with or without kids - make a Smart Heart wish list, which she also refers to as a Honey Do List. "This list should consist of generous things each person wants their partner to do to make them feel loved and admired. Each day the couple needs to do one or two of these items." "If a couple is able to be generous with one another," advises Dr. Bonnie, "it will snowball and change the climate of the relationship - kids can sense this!"

When implementing the Honey Do list, Dr. Bonnie points out how meaningful the little gestures can be, especially as things get hectic during the holiday season. Things like making the other person's coffee in the morning, leaving breakfast on the table for them, picking up groceries and so forth is part of the glue of generosity. Dr. Bonnie also reminds spouses - "when your partner does something nice for you, be sure to acknowledge it and reward it." This is especially important for those who tend toward narcissistic behavior - a Honey Do list are relatively easy tasks that teach selfish people to be more generous.

Additionally, generosity within a marriage -whether in the form of forgiveness, a Honey Do list, or in some other capacity - can create a "helpers' high." "We feel good after we do something to help someone else," explains Dr. Bonnie. This feel-good endorphin, known as dopamine, gives people the same high as the can experience during sex!

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Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's best-selling book, Adultery the Forgivable Sin is being re-released under a new distributor and making its appearance available in eBook format and print on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019076&sr=8-1). Adultery the Forgivable Sin was also made into a Lifetime Original Movie starring Kate Jackson.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, is also author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award-winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples, singles, and step families. She works with those considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.

Named the Best Local Therapist by the US Commerce Association and known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of other books like Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie is presently featured and available now on the Discovery Health/Oprah Winfrey Network documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

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