Therapist Offers Rules for Staying or Leaving After Adultery

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The rules have changed regarding staying or leaving a relationship after a partner commits adultery. "The playbook for wives of powerful men who cheat have changed over the years. I offer guidelines of when to stay, why to leave, and outline the wrong reasons for staying and leaving through my books Adultery the Forgivable Sin and Financial Infidelity." Dr. Bonnie clears up myths regarding adultery, motives for staying and leaving, and the problems that will occur if couples stay or leave for the wrong reasons.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Adultery the Forgivable Sin offers rules for women who have been cheated on. “The playbook for wives of powerful men who cheat have changed over the years,” Dr. Bonnie says.

When Hillary Clinton stood by her man in 1992, the message was clear that adultery did not mean the end of her marriage. In 2011 Maria Shriver walked out upon hearing of her husband Arnold Schwarzenegger’s infidelity. The women betrayed by powerful men between Clinton and Shriver have played by their own rules. Some, like Spitzer’s wife, stood at the podium oozing painful expressions, others like Huma Abedin, wife of Anthony Weiner were absent from the podium, but are staying in the marriage; although that outcome has yet to be determined, as Abedin is newly married and pregnant.

“What we need to remember is that while adultery can be forgiven, and a relationship repaired after infidelity, the work for healing and forgiveness takes great effort on both parts. If we treat infidelity for what it is—a disease, then an authentic approach to healing can occur. If couples treat it like a slip-up, and don’t get to the root of the relational and individual issues, the problems in the relationship will get worse. What I would hate to see is women staying married for the wrong reasons, which will only continue the generational havoc cheating wreaks, and cause emotional harm to the children,” Dr. Bonnie warns.

In Dr. Weil’s book Adultery the Forgivable Sin, the author presents gene-o-grams of famous familial lines presenting the case that infidelity is generational, and until or unless the root cause of cheating is addressed and treated properly, infidelity will be passed down like other genetically predisposed diseases. “I consider cheating a bio-chemical craving for connection, usually perpetrated by people who lead high profile, or highly stressful lives, and who have a predisposition for risky behavior,” Dr. Bonnie explains.

There are many types of addictions and cheating takes many forms. While the concept of sexual infidelity is universally understood, Dr. Weil teaches that cheating takes other forms. “If a woman stands by her man after he has cheated for the purpose of financial gain or security, I call that committing financial infidelity. Staying together for money will not be the glue that keeps the marriage together,” Dr. Bonnie says.

In her book Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker, Dr. Bonnie explains how money becomes the mistress is a love triangle when it is used for power and control.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary "Adultery" and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.

For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden(at)centurytel(dot)net

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