Grieving a Soulmate, What to Do with the Love Left Behind

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Now available in paperback and e-book, Grieving a Soulmate is a gentle and informed guide to the complicated grief triggered by “Death Do Us Part.” It provides an in-depth look at the specifics of soulmate grief.

A useful guide to end-of-life issues and a profound reflection on their meaning.

The grief associated with the loss of a soulmate is extremely devastating. So many adult-to-adult bonds are destroyed all at once. To make matters worse, Freudian-based grief theory based on the principle of “forget and detach” prescribes that all remaining bonds be severed.  Grieving then consists of breaking all emotional links with the deceased—every single one of them. According to author Robert Orfali, “This severance of ties is a pure recipe for disaster. It leaves us without our love and our memories. It’s like letting our soulmate die a second time.” Orfali subscribes to the work of avant-garde grief theorists who believe survivors can continue their ongoing attachments with their dead soulmates. These theorists espouse a “continuing bonds” approach to grief. The idea here is that love can continue in absentia. The survivors can benefit from a comforting presence in their hearts. Memories then become a source of strength. Orfali states, “In my view—and I’m not a grief theorist—the loss of a soulmate requires the continuing bonds theory of grief. The classical forget and detach alternative can be quite destructive for people in our situation.”

In his recently-released book Grieving a Soulmate: The Love Story Behind “Till Death Do Us Part,” Robert Orfali takes on this difficult and very personal topic with courage, out-of-the box thinking, and deep love. Ranging from the practical to the emotional––and frequently blending the two––Orfali’s style of writing makes a difficult topic easier to manage. He writes in an easy style that is analytical, yet speaks from the heart. The content is thought-provoking, unique and original. It’s your gentle and informed guide to the deep grieving that accompanies the death of a soulmate. This book should help a surviving soulmate (or spouse) quickly overcome the red-hot pain of grief. It also tells you how to reconstruct your life, find meaning, and deal with the big existential issues from a secular perspective. It’s a survival guide for the last stages in a soulmate relationship.

“Orfali writes in a straightforward, often bullet-pointed style, but infuses it with intellectual seriousness and emotional depth. The result is both a useful guide to end-of-life issues and a profound reflection on their meaning. A heartening testament to the ability of love to transcend loss." — Kirkus Discoveries

Robert Orfali and his soulmate of thirty years, Jeri Edwards Orfali, were both in the computer software field in the early days of Silicon Valley. They co-authored three best-selling software books and together went on several world tours to promote their technology. Jeri was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, in 1999, shortly after they moved to Hawaii. Jeri and Robert spent the next ten years fighting Jeri's cancer and learning how to live with it. Jeri even learned how to surf during her chemo years. She went from “Silicon Valley Executive Woman of the Year” to “Waikiki Surfer Chick.” Jeri received one of the most moving surfer funerals ever. Her ashes are in the ocean at Waikiki.

Paperback: 280 pages
Publisher: Mill City Press, Inc.

ISBN-10: 1936400669
ISBN-13: 978-1936400669

Paperback list price: $14.95
E-book list price: $ 6.99

Book and e-book available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple Store, and others.
E-book formats: Kindle, iPad, iPhone, Nook, Android, and others.
Book website:


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