Licensed marriage and family therapist Bijou has put together a compendium of work sheets, practical tips, and examples for dealing with the world in a healthier, happier way.
Santa Barbara, CA (PRWEB) September 26, 2011
Author and Psychotherapist Jude Bijou presents, “How to Communicate Simply, Lovingly and Effectively” at Santa Barbara City College, Adult Education, October 22, 9:30 am to 4:30 pm. Schott Center, Room 28. 310 West Padre, Santa Barbara, CA 93105.
After thirty years in private practice, Jude Bijou, MA, MFT, psychotherapist, and author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life with decades in study and teaching, has come to see that all good communication boils down to following four simple rules. With them, anyone can communicate about any topic effectively and lovingly.
Also, there are four main violations that create the misunderstandings and ensuing hurt, alienation and confusion that we experience when communicating with others. They balance each other out perfectly.
1. The First Rule is “talk about yourself.” This is our true domain. Share what we feel, think, want, and need. This brings closeness, as we reveal information about ourselves. The First Violation is to tell other people about themselves (without permission). This includes blame, sarcasm, teasing, attacking, and finger-pointing. It only creates separation and alienation.
2. The Second Rule is to stay specific and concrete. That's what we do with music, architecture, engineering, cooking, math, physics, and computers; and what we must do when communicating. When we stay concrete others can understand what we're saying – the topic, the request, the reasons. It brings peace.The Second Violation is over-generalizing. This can take the form of sweeping conclusions, abstractions, and labels, and using words like “always” and “never”, or bringing in other topics only barely related to the subject at hand. This is confusing, as we don’t know what's being said. It fuels fear.
3. The Third Rule, then, is kindness. Compassion fosters love. It can take the form of offering appreciations, praise, focusing on the positive, and sharing gratitude.The Third Violation is being unkind. Focusing on what’s not working, on what we don’t like, throws a blanket on furthering a conversation and produces anger and feelings of separation in the recipient.
4. The Fourth Rule is simply to listen. That means seeking to truly understand what someone is saying, and encouraging their speech. This brings closeness. Listening is a practice.The Fourth Violation is not listening. We know how that feels. Not good. Automatic interruptions, debates, and wise-cracks don’t truly acknowledge the speaker but instead further our own agenda.
The four rules bring loving, effective communication and feelings of connection. These rules, share from your own experience, use specifics, kindness, and listen, are very simple (but not easy); and the rewards of abiding by them are great. These violations apply in virtually every setting and causes communication breakdowns and distance.
About Jude Bijou
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an educator, and the author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life (Riviera Press, 2011). In Attitude Reconstruction, she proposes that everyone can create the life they are truly seeking. And that as they learn the emotion-resolving tools they weren't taught, they can’t help but make a significant difference for themselves, their families, and their world.
Daughter of Dr. Sidney Bijou, a famed pioneer in the field of behavioral child psychology and applied behavior analysis, Jude Bijou had a very cool childhood. For her own studies, she looked to the west, and after earning a BA in psychology from Reed College and a Masters in Psychology from Carleton University, became a marriage and family therapist. She looked to the east, and found the world of meditation and Vedic philosophy. She's woven the two into her own blend, which she teaches in her book, seminars, and courses, to very positive impact. She lives in Santa Barbara, California.
For more information, a copy of the book for review, or to arrange an interview with author Jude Bijou, please contact Christy Kelso, Christy(at)RivieraPress(dot)com.
Press kit and images available upon request. Visit http://www.attitudereconstruction.com/ for more information.
Contact: Christy Kelso: Christy(at)RiveraPress(dot)com