(PRWEB) October 28, 2012
"Sex is the glue that keeps a couple together," explains relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, "but it won't just 'happen,' especially when couples have lost focus of this aspect of their relationship." This is easy to do, with a storm headed for the East Coast and the holidays just around the corner and Dr. Bonnie encourages couples to rekindle the romance before the holiday season so that they don't lose each other in the shuffle.
If you don't use it, you lose it, Dr. Bonnie says. She underscores the importance that couples continue to do things to turn themselves and their partners on otherwise they'll get bored with themselves and with each other. "If a person is constantly pre-occupied with the minutia of the day, if they've lost their way when it comes to feeling and acting sexy, they're not going to be turned on later - in terms of adventure, unpredictability, stimulation and excitement in their every day lives instead of routine, which will then translate to the bedroom. It's the whole picture, not just what couples do in the bedroom."
In this way Dr. Bonnie draws parallels between prioritizing sex and doing things like managing finances, working out, or even fighting insomnia. "It's about what people do all day to put these things in the forefront of their mind. Budgets don't automatically balance themselves. A person dealing with insomnia can't just decide to fall asleep." It's about what people do during the ins and outs of each day that leads to a balanced budget - like saving first before spending discretionary income, otherwise people would never save money! - or a restful night, or a fulfilling sex life. Have spontaneous, planned sex in order to make sex a priority just like saving money becomes a priority, advises Dr. Bonnie, instead of waiting till everything is in perfect order. "Things will never be in perfect order, there will always be dirty dishes and unmade beds - so if you're waiting for that you'll never have sex!"
This Seven Days exercise forces people to look at romance, intimacy, and closeness - and to recreate chemicals they had when they first fell in love suggests Dr. Bonnie. They must pay attention to the romance of the relationship in order to restore the sizzle and magic. "Novelty and excitement has to be constantly worked at," says Dr. Bonnie, "most people can't just suddently have sex.
The key is to work on not being boring with each other, in order to bring back an aura of novelty and excitement. It can start with the little things, suggests Dr. Bonnie: don't call each other at the same time every day, don't have sex at the same time, don't do things in the same way. Don't text or email during the day, save it up for at night when there can be more mystery. All these things will make for a better sex life.
Additionally, make time to connect physically and emotionally. Even holding hands releases dopamine and oxytocin (the love hormone) to make couples feel bonded and alive. To piggyback off a recent trend, Dr. Bonnie mentions that some of her patients have been using the book "50 Shades of Gray" to spice up the bedroom. "But be careful not to use it as pressure," she cautions. Don't push for sex, it has to be natural. "People who may be worried about performance issues will get more traumatized. It's a delicate balance between planning and letting things happen naturally." Couples can't make their sex lives a non-priority and expect things to remain exciting and healthy. But they also can't force the issue or it will cause more anxiety.
Find more information on restoring a relationship's sizzle in Dr. Bonnie's book, Make Up Don't Break Up and the attached DVD, Falling in Love and Staying in Love.
To see Dr. Bonnie talking more about how to improve your sex life, click here: http://youtu.be/N6zeufq0t_Y, or check out her book Make Up Don't Break Up. And check out her channel “5 Star Video Contributor" via YouTube/Google”https://www.youtube.com/user/drbonnieweil, then watch her video on rekindling romance! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FBaANkBqmY&sns=em