Petraues Investigation Continues, Dr. Bonnie Says Increases in Infidelity Aren't About Ethics

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As the CIA continues to investigate the Petraeus affair (, there's concern that infidelity within the military could be an epidemic (as stated by this military wife on CBS News: Cheating expert Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says the military's focus on ethics and training isn't enough to stem the tide of affairs.

The investigation into Petraeus' affair continues, with the military suggesting a higher focus on ethics and training ( Relationship therapist and cheating expert Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says this isn't enough. She says the underlying issue stems from high-stress jobs where people feel so powerful and are likely to take more risks, thus leading to more feelings of power and a need to perpetuate thrill-seeking behavior in order to maintain the high they get.

Dr. Bonnie explains that those with high-stress, high-risk jobs need to be checked for burnout regularly, and they need more time off - similar to the rules around when pilots can and can't fly. She says they need someone to help them realize they're ripe for an affair, and how to deal with the challenges they face because of their jobs. Until that happens, she says, people with high-stress jobs will continue to have these problems. "People with such demanding jobs need to be able to re-coup and re-group from the thrill-seeking that comes with a high-stress career. Otherwise, they're going to try to alleviate the stress themselves by self-medicating. They need to be taught how to channel their need for power into healthy ways as opposed to ways that are dysfunctional." The outcome of this is seen in this recent scandal.

What's being manifest is what Dr. Bonnie calls the biochemical craving for connection, which needs to be treated like similar diseases of alcoholism or gambling. Dr. Bonnie believes infidelity is curable and does in-service training for groups like the military to work with doctors to balance brain chemicals through supplements, diets, and exercise; and help organizations understand it's not about ethics - but rather about treating and curing the disease and addiction. People with stressful jobs are looking for a release from this constant pressure. An affair or illicit sex provides the biochemical connection they're craving, along with that high and thrill of risky behavior. But keeping up the charade only causes more pressure. And so the cycle perpetuates itself.

This biochemical craving has to do with stress, loss and separation. She says people in high-stress jobs need to take time off, to stress-bust in a healthy way. Anytime someone is put in such a high-stress environment day in and day out, they will burn out and look for thrill seeking behavior to negatively stress bust and self medicate." Dr. Bonnie explains that it's time we do something in our society to start treating this behavior as the disease it is.

Most adulterers are burnt out and stressed out but nothing changes unless the root of the problem is changed. To this end, Dr. Bonne says firing is not the answer - adultery is a forgivable sin and people facing this situation need to be rehabilitated, and taught how to balance their brain chemicals, how to balance work and play, how to manage stress. That is the pattern that needs to change.

Books for setting boundaries with the adulterer and the discussion of the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection are: Adultery the Forgivable Sin (, and Can we Cure and Forgive Adultery ( Find further advice from Dr. Bonnie, named Best Local New York Therapist by the US Commerce Association two years in a row, in her videos on how to deal with adultery:, And check out her “5 Star Video Contributor" via YouTube/Google”

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