They can go shopping and point out a few things they like. Then they can let their partner have the final say and surprise them with a gift under the tree.
New York, NY (PRWEB) December 04, 2012
Relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has advice for couples who may see the gift-giving season as being fraught with peril. She wants women to know that men cannot read their minds, and that the adage "if he really loved me, he'd know what I wanted without being told," is not true. Dr. Bonnie's husband Jeff discusses this pitfall in a recent video saying that men are more focused on practical useful things. They're not always thinking of surprise and romance so they need a little help (http://youtu.be/aRrx-JQDMzw).
To do this, Dr. Bonnie suggests women go window shopping with their partners and point out things that they like. They could even pick out the gift together, "It won't be a surprise," she admits, "but you also won't be disappointed or surprised by something you didn't want!" She offers another option for women who may still want to maintain a bit of mystery: "They can go shopping and point out a few things they like. Then they can let their partner have the final say and surprise them with a gift under the tree."
This sort of help could even be good for a relationship - Dr. Bonnie says that men who take cues from their wives when it comes to gifts have happier marriages. On the other hand, when one person assumes the other knows what they want, or thinks they should be able to figure it out, it's easy to cause fights and create romance wreckers this season.
Dr. Bonnie reminds women that even if they get something that wouldn't have been their first pick, they shouldn't be critical. Men are afraid of gift-giving rejection, and they may subsequently "forget" important holidays like Christmas, Chanukah, Valentine's Day, birthdays, Anniversaries and other dates because they are fearful that their gift will be rejected. Dr. Bonnie explains this comes from childhood wounds sustained when trying to please females in their lives like mothers and teachers or nuns at parochial schools. Instead of rejection, stay positive. Instead of saying nothing if they like it, or explaining why they don't like it, women should build up positive reinforcement around the gift. If the gift doesn't fit right or doesn't look good, go back together to pick something out so it doesn't seem like rejection.
Men are sometimes passive aggressive about gift-giving and fearful that their gift will be rejected, and this is tied to rejection in their childhood from a parent, teacher, or other female figure because they were left with a feeling that their behavior was "never good enough." Therefore they feel inadequate when it comes to choosing a gift.
Dr. Bonnie points out that in her practice she sometimes sees men dealing with infidelity who say that it was easier to get their mistress a present than it was to get their wife a gift because they believe the mistress won't insult or criticize it. Meanwhile, they're fearful that a gift would be rejected by their wife. Instead of falling into this trap, Dr. Bonnie hopes women can help their men get it right this holiday, so they can have an affair with their own partner.
See more from Dr. Bonnie and her husband here: http://youtu.be/aRrx-JQDMzw or check out her books Make Up Don't Break Up and Adultery the Forgivable Sin. Find further advice from Dr. Bonnie, named Best Local New York Therapist by the US Commerce Association two years in a row, in her videos on how to deal with adultery: http://bit.ly/HWwZ1q, http://bit.ly/IpSrcv.