A New Year's Resolution for Relationships--Tough Love Coach Says New Tradition Essential to Happiness

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Making New Year’s resolutions is an annual tradition, however, tough love coach and award-winning self-help author Paula Renaye says starting a new tradition of reviewing personal relationships is critical to happiness. Her inventory and review process shows how to evaluate relationships and determine if you want to keep them or not.

Paula Renaye, tough love coach and award-winning author of Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation

Paula Renaye

When you become honest about what you have in your relationships—and what you don’t—you give everyone the chance to step up and claim happiness.

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Making New Year’s resolutions is an annual tradition, however, tough love coach and award-winning self-help author Paula Renaye says starting a new tradition of reviewing personal relationships is critical to happiness.

“When I ask people if their relationship are the kind they really want or just the ones they have, I often see looks of pure terror,” Renaye says. “But if you haven’t honestly evaluated your interactions with the people closest to you, you don’t really know.”

Renaye suggests taking an inventory of relationships and reviewing the effects of each and offers the following steps from her New Year’s Relationship Review process:

1.    Who—Make a list your closest relationships: partner, parents, children, friends, family, co-workers, etc.

2.    The Feelings—Note how you generally feel when you are interacting with each person, such as happy, sad, fulfilled, anxious, bored, worried, taken advantage of, angry, resentful, in turmoil, afraid, etc.

3.    Why—Think about why you feel what you do and detail the thoughts or actions (theirs and yours) that create those feelings.

4.    The Math—For each relationship, list five positive and five negative aspects that each person brings to your life. Then, list five positives and negatives that you bring to each of theirs.

5.    What's In It for You?—What do you get out of the relationship? Be honest. If you get the sense of feeling needed, appreciated, being looked up to, being validated—or simply not being rejected—admit it. If maintaining the relationship gives you some kind of perks, such as money, belonging, sex, security, whatever, admit that as well. There are no "bad" answers, so don't shy away from the question.

Renaye says it is important to honor all the thoughts that come up, especially ones that are uncomfortable, feel silly or seem selfish. “None of us will do anything unless we get something out of it—it either feels good or fills a need in some way,” she says. “It's not wrong or something to overcome, it's just the way we are, and working with it instead of fighting against it is the way to create mutually fulfilling relationships.”

She also emphasizes the importance of choice and of taking responsibility for the kinds of relationships and feelings experienced. “You don't have to keep interacting with people who make you feel bad,” says Renaye. “And, if you admit your relationships aren't fulfilling you as much as they could, you open the door to realizing how they can.”

Renaye’s frank, cut-to-the-chase approach is the foundation of her workshops, presentations and her acclaimed self-help book, Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, which was recently named to Kirkus Reviews’ Best of 2012. However, as noted in their starred review, her work is also “deeply human, compassionate and supportive.”

“It takes courage to face your reality, but it’s essential,” Renaye says. “When you become honest about what you have in your relationships—and what you don’t—you give everyone the chance to step up and claim happiness.”

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ABOUT

Submitted by Jami Jones is Publicity and Events Manager for Diomo Books, a print and digital publisher of award-winning fiction and nonfiction.

PAULA RENAYE is a tough love media expert, certified professional coach, empowerment speaker and award-winning author. Her acclaimed self-help book,Living the Life You Love: The No-Nonsense Guide to Total Transformation, was named to Kirkus Reviews’ Best of 2012 and is recommended by many health and mental health professionals with endorsements such as, “All the benefits of serious therapy in one book!”

To learn more about Paula Renaye, visit http://www.PaulaRenaye.com, and read more personal development articles on her blog at http://www.ToughLoveTalk.com.

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