San Francisco, CA (PRWEB) February 01, 2012
If you have come to believe that you are destined to be alone on Valentines day...don't give up hope. Psychotherapist and relationship expert, Dr. Tara Fields, Ph.D, M.F.T., has tips to ensure that that this will be the last Valentine's Day that cupid passes anyone by.
Dr. Tara Fields asks, "Can you follow your heart and use your head at the same time? How do you recognize the red flags that help you avoid Mr. or Ms. Wrong from the get go? Can you recognize a good thing when you see one?"
If you feel like you were absent the day love’s rule book was passed out, here are some basics to help with the relationship problems many face…. that is, if you are willing to invest at least as much time researching and asking the right questions as you did when you bought your last smartphone.
Read on for Dr. Tara's tips as you seek to stay on a steady path to lasting love-
DO’S AND DON’TS TO RECOGNIZE HEALTHY LOVE
- Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. Too many men and women choose a mate or stay in relationships with the hope that the other person will change.
- Do be honest with yourself and ask: “Can I love this person exactly the way they are now without the expectation of change?” If not, find someone else.
- Don’t confuse lust with love. In a rush to feel close, people have sex prematurely, creating a false sense of intimacy, which can lead to disappointment when the relationship doesn’t last.
- Do take the time to create a genuine emotional connection and allow a passionate sexual relationship to grow
- Don’t overlook the red flags out of desperation to be in a relationship. For example, if she hasn’t fully ended her previous relationship, don’t be so quick to get involved. If he makes a statement like ‘I don’t do commitment well,’ believe him!
- Do ask yourself ‘Is this person really available emotionally and in a position to commit to you? “Sort of divorced or Sort of single” is not single … nor is separated.
- Don’t get involved, better yet … Run for the hills! If your new love interest is dragging a heavy load of unresolved anger or grief from their prior relationship or plays the blame game for all the pain and problems in their past it’s not only a red flag, it’s a big red Banner!
- Do be open to a love interest if they have spent time exploring and owning their part in what went wrong with their last romance.
Here is my final reality check on what a healthy relationship feels like:
~You feel, perhaps for the very first time, that you are truly loved, appreciated, valued and even celebrated for the unique and one of a kind person you are. You truly know that you don’t have to alter, hide, conform or change who you are to fit someone else’s standards to get the love and approval you have always yearned for. For many this may be a first, and not when it comes to your romantic partners, perhaps as far back to when you were a child in your family of origin.
~This person “gets you” and celebrates all the quirks and eccentricities that has in the past, as my best friend Harley says, “made you feel unfit for human consumption”.
~ Your love is returned. You’re not with someone you’re trying to get to love you. You don’t feel like you’re walking around on eggshells. If you have that tight feeling in your stomach, that’s not love, that’s you seeking approval.
~You feel even better about yourself, because a healthy relationship increases your sense of self.
A healthy relationship occurs when two people feel safe revealing their true selves to one another.
For an intimate relationship to work, you need to expose your authentic self. This means being vulnerable and exercising emotional courage. Fight your fear of rejection and trust that there is a person out there looking for someone exactly like you, with all your lovable quirks and qualities.
Finally… Have a little faith.
On your path to a healthy relationship, stay strong and true to yourself. Don’t become discouraged due to past experiences, age, looks, sexual orientation or anything else others tell you. Believe that he or she IS out there, and that they are yearning for and seeking you too.
Out of the millions of people in the world you only need ONE.